Posted on 05/13/2022 11:42:56 AM PDT by sodpoodle
You're An EXTREME Redneck When...
1) You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids
2) The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3) You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4) You think a woman who is out of your league, bowls on a different night.
5) You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6) Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7) You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9) Your junior prom offered day care.
10) You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'
11) You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13) You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14) One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15) You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16) You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17) You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
And in closing....
Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!
When I stayed over at my friend’s house and the cats would gather when she milk the cow because she would shoot it at them and they would lick it off.
I had to milk goats and I didn’t have time to fool around I’d get her in the barn with a bucket of feed, and I have to empty her out before the feed was gone.
LOL! I can tell you about a time that really happened to a co-worker.
He needed to cut a limb off a tree, and tied a rope to himself and the bumper of a car, then had his wife drive and lift him up to the tree limb. She went too fast and he hit the tree fork and limb screaming for her to “STOP! STOP!”
He then told us at work about it.
What makes it even funnier was that same day in the newspaper comic strip, GASOLINE ALLEY, the same thing was being done.
When my friend saw that he about had a conniption fit.
***Come move this transmission so I can take a bath’**
LOL! I remember a man who rented a farm to a family. After a few payments they quietly departed the place in the middle of the night.
What the owner found was they had hauled in an engine, disassembled and rebuilt it on the carpet of the floor.
In another instant, a family from Arkan-saw moved to Los Angeles and rented a house. When the septic system quit working they just knocked a hole in the floor of the closet and continued to use it as a latrine.
Next one is another family from, again, Arkan-saw who rented a house in Los Angeles, but ceased to pay rent after they were in it. When told to get out, their last act was to have the kids and themselves take a dump in the corners of each room.
We squirted milk into a cat’s mouth the same way. I also got to where I could do the same thing with a couple of lambs.
This is the problem with progs.
Conservatives can handle the sterotypes.
Progs cannot handle a day of being alive.
Bfl
Not anti-white.
Not disgusting.
Not degenerate.
So I assume you’re kidding...?
They’re hilarious. Jeff Foxworthy got rich this way.
is that an autobiography?
I have a word for people who come to a humor thread to complain. It is the same word for people who get offended over lighthearted jokes that revolve around culture, ethnicity, nationality, and similar categories: Karen.
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STOP. calling somebody a Karen is
both racist and ageist.
Not funny and I am deeply offended by being called Karen.
You are making fun of White women over the age of 60. s/
8) Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
(Thank you!)
“Anti white. Disgusting. Degenerate.”
Thanks you for telling is about your family!
Welcome to FR!
Mercifully, no. Years ago, I found that out and got the documentation on someone who was prominent on the other side of a legal-political fight. The funny thing was that many people in his community knew about it and felt sorry for him as a hard luck case alcoholic and because because his ex-wife had in truth been a nightmare as a spouse. Sometimes, a redneck with a record of idiot behavior still gets credit and a pass of sorts for being a good ole’ boy.
That must have caused a suppressed chuckle in the emergency room.
I live in Arkansas. These people exist.
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They exist everywhere.
In the SW part of WI, along the Mississippi tributaries, there are low lying narrow valleys called *coulees*. These are flood zones.
Shacks and trailers are placed here and there. The areas are collectively called ‘back of the coulee’ and this sort of person does live there. Sometimes they are entire clans on a 2-3 acre little cul-de-sac. They frequent little shack-y rural side road bars distinguished by extra strings of Christmas lights all year long, so you rarely see them except at Walmart.
And, yes: they are white and proud of it.
When I lived over there, I employed a couple of women from back of the coulee. They live lives of intense drama. Everything is always breaking down and every relationship is melodramatic. The children are wild hellions.The men are either disabled, do hourly manual labor &/or sell drugs (or some combination). Everyone is heavily tattooed and *tattoo artist* is a coveted profession. They have large extended families and if you go back 2-3 generations, they are related in some manner, often by sequential marriages/affairs. The oldest women seem to keep track of the genealogies.
They are the subjects of every country song.
... a true event:...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have heard various versions of that from the woman’s side from employees. Usually on a Monday morning to explain why they were (again) late to work.
I believe you actually down-played some of the details.
...hillbillies ...
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They migrated up North around the time of the Civil War, probably to escape the mosquitos. I think a lot of the original stock were sharecroppers. Pretty sure you could map the migration along the rivers.
After seeing the damage done to families because of adultery, I find NO humor in it EVER. And I am SURE that GOD doesn’t EITHER.
It hurt my mother terribly. Yet these Freepers that supposedly fear God show themselves to be, at the very least, ignorant of their actual spiritual condition.
Change the word “Redneck” to “African-American”...
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This was told in a forum that contains a contingent of rednecks or those descended from them.
In a group of blacks, you would have lists concerning Cousin Pookie. Go listen to black comedians from the 60s or earlier. Jackie Mason had Jewish audiences peeing their pants when he poked fun at stereotypes we all knew or were related to (and they aren’t the ones you get from Stormfronters).
Funny is funny and if I told you some Yiddish jokes from the 1950s, you’d need a cry closet. But you likely wouldn’t understand them because they come from before your time and concern a population/environment you don’t know well enough.
To tell the truth, many, many whites come from redneck backgrounds or live in redneck areas. Many, many blacks have a Cousin Pookie and old-time immigrant Jews recognized their shared neuroses and the village stereotypes that are themselves or people they were related to.
Ethnic humor abounds, all over the globe. Tell me your background and I bet someone will find a so-close-to-the-truth joke about it, that you will laugh, or at least crack a smile.
And if you aren’t capable of that, we’ll all just pray for you.
...it’s puzzling that some people get on here and act so damn unpleasant and insulting....
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A lot of so-called conservatives live on their phones and watch MSM. They live in suburbs and work for corporations. It rubs off.
Just give it back to them. My Dad grew up on the streets in Eastern cities populated by a multitude of European immigrants. Everyone was poor. They all told jokes on themselves and each other. It’s real life and it gets gritty at times. The ad hominem crew is over-civilized and have lost their roots.
IMO.
I grew up calling it all ‘soda’. Doesn’t matter what brand or flavor.
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It’s regional. In Central IL, growing up, it was *soda* or *soda-pop*. In Wisconsin, it was *pop*. Southerners call everything coke.
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