Posted on 04/18/2022 6:19:08 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
NAMPA, ID—Local construction worker and faithful husband Joseph Smithereen has recently placed sanctions on his wife of fifteen years after she invaded his side of the bed, again.
"That does it!" yelled Smothereen. "Despite my continual warnings, she has proceeded with a totally unprovoked take over of my side of the bed. Her actions have left me with no choice but to impose heavy sanctions."
Martha Smithereen will reportedly have restricted access to the television, bathroom, and laundry machine. He has also worked with foreign allies to inhibit her ability to import foreign essential oil.
"If she relinquishes control of my side of the bed I will remove the sanctions immediately," said Joseph. "But I will take any further incursion into my area as a clear sign of aggression."
"I have a package of sanctions ready to go if she escalates matters further."
Martha issued a statement to reporters that she was offended by her husband's sanctions but that they didn't affect her much. "Keeping me from doing the laundry or dishes hurts him more than me. He's going to cripple his public image!"
Sources report that Martha is, however, upset she can no longer watch Tiny House Hunters because "their houses are so tiny it's crazy!"
At publishing time, Joseph Smithereen hired a third party to investigate potential war crimes committed by his wife.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
My past wife used to scrouge the bed, getting up against me because I was warm. she would slowly work me tot he edge of the bed while she was asleep. One night I slipped out of bed and went around to her side of the bed. Yep, she scrouged right off the side with thump. Now, I would give anything to have her scrouging up against me. Time changes thinsg dontchaknow
Oh no. No dogs on the bed. Not the big ones anyways. Cats and little dogs only. Our big dogs will fart and run you out of the house.
And married guys, don’t try that switch. The verbal accusations that follow will not / are not pleasant
I’d start by encircling the invader...
...and then she turns the fan on because “I get too hot when Im sleeping.”
You say we, but persistently crave isolation.
Unidentified “***” seemingly naturally moves toward you, relentlessly seeking contact and seamless unity. Yet, in the narrative you relate, “***”, presumably a human woman, jarringly lacks a sex, and is mysteriously denied even a separate pronoun if “***”’s own, or even a recognizable species designation.
What a tortuous initial plotline, deeply unfamiliar, while at the same time, recognizably human.
Khafka would have paid good money for the exclusive right to elaborate on it.
Yet you...you are living it...in all of its microsopic complexity and intensity!
Do let us know how this fascinating story unfolds. And may it not be short.
She can sanction him out of any love time.
I would just go to a different bedroom and tell him to fly a kite.
After 15 years bedroom time is boring anyway.
I’ll bet a lot of people would agree with you, as long as they knew their spouse would not find out their true opinion.
The Bee is funny...
Bingo
Well, I would say penetrating the very center of the invader is called for here.
I had a good long paragraph of euphemisms, but decided that I was probably going too far. So decided to stay with the PG version of just encircling the invader.
“After 15 years bedroom time is boring anyway.”
You’re doing it wrong.
L
Gosh I hope not!
Fifteenth anniversary coming up.
Bedroom time with my sugar woogums is still the highlight of the day.
Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife’s a cold person. Her side of the waterbed is frozen.”
More wife jokes from him:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvp38qj_zO8
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