Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

NCAA Swimming Champ Caught In Possession Of Performance-Enhancing Testicles
Babylon Bee ^ | March 18th, 2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/19/2022 1:21:43 AM PDT by Trillian

ATLANTA, GA—Celebrations for winning the 500-yard freestyle at the NCAA Women’s Swimming and Diving Championships were short-lived for convincingly female athlete Lia Thomas, as authorities caught her in possession of performance-enhancing testicles.

“Investigators will need time to sift through the trail of evidence right now,” said NCAA’s Head of Testicle Enforcement, Bob Huevos, while holding up a jock strap, the device suspected to have been used to conceal the contraband from rigorous testing protocols. “We suspect the swimmer used this contraption to keep the performance-enhancing testicles secured between her legs.”

Blood tests of the disgraced, obviously-female swimmer have led Huevos to believe Thomas had a long history of using testicles to dose with powerful testosterone, perhaps beginning in early childhood.

“Long term testicle use like this may explain the female swimmer’s towering height, powerful muscles, dense bone structure, deep voice, and bulging crotch,” explained Huevos, “These permanent mutations from testosterone abuse would have given her a lifetime advantage over other female athletes even if she were to quit and go on estrogen. For that reason, Lia Thomas should be disqualified from competition.”

This may not be the end of Lia Thomas’ story, however. In the name of equity, diversity, and inclusion, the disgraced swimmer has been given a second chance with an invitation to compete as a collegiate swimmer in the NCAA Swimming And Diving Championships For Women With Testicles.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; fakewoman; transgender; transswimmer
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-27 last
To: muir_redwoods

it comes to an end when these girls quit competing against him. The power is with them if they’ll use it. Just line up like they’re competing and when the whistle is blown, just stand there and cheer/jeer him. make it a one man race and this charade ends.


21 posted on 03/19/2022 6:39:52 AM PDT by BipolarBob (Reading is one way for escape. Running for your life is another.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Drew68

I agree totally. Thinking he is hoping to expose the absurdity of the current gender madness and is also hoping to write a book about his experiences and become a rich celeb after college. Given the current state of women’s sports, it’s kind of ironic and strangely appropriate to see a cis gender male impersonating a bunch of lesbo women. And he gets to hang out in the women’s locker room with naked women - the dream of every red blooded American college guy.


22 posted on 03/19/2022 6:54:59 AM PDT by rdcbn1
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Trillian

The women in the locker room should pin him down and remove the offending parts.


23 posted on 03/19/2022 8:55:28 AM PDT by JimRed (TERM LIMITS, NOW! Militia to the border! TRUTH is the new HATE SPEECH.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Trillian

The nice thing about college athletes is, they only have four years of eligibility.


24 posted on 03/19/2022 10:05:29 AM PDT by lurk (u)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Trillian

Instead of Bob Huevos the guy should have been named Dick Huevos.


25 posted on 03/19/2022 11:32:52 AM PDT by higgmeister ( In the Shadow of The Big Chicken)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Fresh Wind

THANK YOU!


26 posted on 03/19/2022 8:38:19 PM PDT by NetAddicted ( Just looking)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Drew68

Thomas looks like he has no boobs, so I figured he wasn’t taking estrogen. Then I saw him on the news, and he’s got triple-A’s, but they’re there. But since it’s said that men lose some strength from estrogen, maybe he’s wearing a slightly padded suit.


27 posted on 03/19/2022 9:18:02 PM PDT by NetAddicted ( Just looking)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-27 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson