Posted on 03/17/2022 5:04:22 AM PDT by sodpoodle
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2 Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY):
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS:
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'Yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
I look for these threads of yours every day, though you may skip a few days
Take dishes out of the sink before you pee in it.
A beer fridge on the back deck is perfectly fine. A beer fridge on the back deck, front deck, and garage might indicate a problem.
Thank You so very much. It got my reaction into my “George Carlin” state of laughter.
But really, if a potential workplace is averse to beer, do you really want to be around those kind of people?
Ah, you must be lace curtain Irish, and not shanty Irish.
The rest seems like good advice, but what is wrong with the following?
“When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.”
Pretty funny. First time I’ve seen your stuff here.
I’ve thought of a couple.
1. No, everyone “is” going to notice that your Elvis wig is not real.
2. Wearing chaps to a bar is not macho anymore.
3. Asking a girl on the first date that her teeth are so pretty they look like dentures, is a no-no, because more than likely, they are dentures.
4. Routing an exhaust pipe to the front of your pick up will not attract any women to you, same with mud flaps.
5. Bumper stickers like, “I’m a lover and a mean bull rider” don’t work if you’re a woman trying to attract men.
Even though it’s properly called “meat loaf” it’s considered particularly hospitable to identify the specific meat for guests.
Hey.... I resemble those remarks.
1. Never take a beer to a job interview. [Unless it's a phone interview]
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. [But if they're up on your roof they're fair game - although you might have to patch any resulting holes in your roof]
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. [Except for the church picnic, of course]
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. [Or maybe just sleep on the sofa]
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. [But having your bass boat or party barge hitched up behind the truck is ok, and either one will hold lots of stuff, if your trailer tires are in good shape]
(...and 'yes', I have been called a 'redneck'... ;>)
OMG this is funny stuff.
Before buying another old car mow your lawn, you might find one.
I identify as a redneck, and I resemble those remarks.
Too Big for His Britches
She’s Got Gumption
That’s Cattywampus
A Rooster One Day and A Feather Duster the Next
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.