Posted on 02/13/2022 10:56:17 AM PST by PROCON
(This thread used to appear periodically over the years and here it is again, original thread posted in comments)
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
you wanna see a text book display of a Woman in this age?? watch Ozark on Netflix... they display and Epic portrayal of the Modern Woman!
Don’t need a guy to fetch me a beer, my dog does it quite well.
oh no kidding!!!!
Some awful generous women out there if some of the guys i see are getting laid.
and soap and water is your friend, fatman.
I like the reason labeled #1...
To be fair on the fairer sex if a man buys the love of his life flowers on a fairly regular basis , and not always expensive roses that tend to die rather quickly(Mums last longer and they’re cheaper), say once or twice every other month he shouldn’t worry about missing some date on the calendar.
Don’t ask us “What are you thinking about?” If we wanted you to know what we are thinking, we’d be talking to you.
It all depends how heavy you are and the only time you use the clutch is to take off in first gear.
LOL +1
I don’t either. My cat won’t do it, (“Are you kidding?” he says) but my legs work fine and I can get my own beer.
“Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.”
Life doesn’t work that way in our house. The kitty is toilet trained. The seat must be down.
At least pregnancy is a better excuse for weight gain than beer.
Dog just showing off.
Because when the need arises, seconds count.
There’s nothing like having babies for destroying pelvic floor muscles.
LOL!
Swap beer for vodka or Scotch...
Other than that... Still pretty close even after all of these years.
I’m #1. And proud of it!☺
Men’s gift rule for clothes. Don’t buy on sale, buy smaller than she is, and in a color that’s ordinary.
No lacking return slip.
So...
I think having a dog bring me a beer would be very cool indeed.
Lol. Bench cushion!
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