Posted on 02/13/2022 10:56:17 AM PST by PROCON
(This thread used to appear periodically over the years and here it is again, original thread posted in comments)
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Interesting. I thought I would need a CDL to use that.
Thirty three yrs of marriage and that is what we did. Worked fine. No complaints.
And for the ladies, read Dr Laura’s book on how to treat men. It works
I never had any trouble remembering my anniversary or my wife’s birthday. Unfortunately, she’s gone now, so I no longer get to celebrate with her, but I do remember.
I think I own 5 pairs of shoes. Including my “dress” shoes.
I like beer on rare occasions.
My wife had a bad habit of talking during things I wanted to hear, then stopping once I turned it off. So eventually, I’d turn it back on, and she would start talking again. Annoyed the crap out of me.
What I would give for that annoyance!
My parents loved bloody Marys. I was a paperboy and one Christmas gift I got them with my paper route money was a set of four glasses painted to look like Campbell’s tomato soup cans. I still have the two remaining ones.
Most guys at work can’t handle an 8LL. Then again, it is outdated.
I would say that IMO, most women look better with longer hair. There are a few exceptions. Not many.
I used to buy my wife clothes, and she usually loved them. I knew her taste, and I would find items that matched her taste.
Besides, we liked to dress “matching” for church on Sunday, so I would get her colors that matched something in my wardrobe and she would do the same for me.
That’s why my tie rack is so full.
Older men like me have an increasing chance of having the “immediate urgency whizz” problem as well.
“IMO, most women look better with longer hair. There are a few exceptions. Not many.”
I would agree with you, to a point. At a certain age, though, it’s common for women’s hair to thin a LOT and keeping it long isn’t even a question. Mine used to be long and excellent, then around 70 everything changed. Now I can look just OK with it at a length between my ears and chin, with a little pouf thanks to mousse (which I hate).
She’s the one that always said that even though she was above average in the kitchen and long after the kids were out of the house, she took classes at Cordon Bleu and became pretty proficient later in life.
The reason most women aren’t good in the kitchen is because you need right brain attenuation for it - it’s science, chemistry and timing - a natural sense of timing. Women aren’t good at that kind of thing - they get frustrated and it just goes downhill from there
That’s for sure.
Misogynist.
Once a woman’s hair turns gray, IMO, it usually no longer looks good long.
Usually it looks dried out and frizzy.
If men don’t like the way their wives cook, they can do it themselves if they think they can do a better job.
That said, I enjoy cooking but after enough years of it, if someone is going to cook a meal for me, I will NOT complain about it. I will thank them for the meal and appreciate not having to cook it myself.
🤔😂🤣👏👍
I gave up beer and drink a bottle of red wine every night now, don’t complain
16 forward and 2 reverse?
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