" Be careful :)
Posted on 01/14/2022 5:17:05 AM PST by sodpoodle
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What's the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together! Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?”
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?” “Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.” “I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”
KNITTING A Highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”
BLONDE ON TIME A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex”. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooooo...! ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.”
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing n the breaststroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.
.............................
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Knitting doctor and time - best!
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair — given that you are blind — that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
LOL! Thanks!
Good collection! TGIF!
We’re all blonde in my family. We have more education and advanced degrees than anyone in my extensive Irish family. Good jobs. Good reputation A nice social group who would never tell us a blonde joke. One former friend who did.
We think a bit different tgan most I notice. We take things very literally. What that’s a blonde girl thing I do not know.
Of the jokes here the first one illustrates it.
Chillaxe
A Blonde, a Redhead, and a Brunette were on a beach on an island..
The Blonde grabs a board, throws it in the water and gets on to paddle to the mainland...
The Redhead also grabs a board, but she also gets an umbrella and allows the breeze to push her toward the mainland...
The Brunette walks a couple hundred yards down the beach and crosses the bridge to the mainland......
I’m a Trekkie, so...
What does Dr. Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde passenger on the Enterprise?
“Space. The final frontier...”
I’m a Trekkie, so...
What does Dr. Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde passenger on the Enterprise?
“Space. The final frontier...”
The brunette blushes slightly and replies, "Well, I just know I'm going to have a little girl, because I was on the bottom."
The blonde's face becomes ashen and she begins sobbing uncontrollably. The other two ladies try to comfort her and ask, "What's wrong dear?"
Through her tears, the blonde says, "I...I think I'm going to have puppies."
my one blonde sister hates blonde jokes so i will have to share. Too funny!!!
I thought it was a joke. Are you telling us it’s a true story?
I also pass on this.
I am a blond with a .357.
And a great shot.
“ Chillaxe”
I thought I was being very chill. Have had to put up with dumb blonde jokes my whole life. Had to spend time in teachers meetings, mostly women teachers, to persuade them to stop discouraging my kids in front of the class of boys, “future math whizzes” two of whom lost thei full rides to engineer programs. cheating wth calculators to stay away from math. Both financial engineers now.
But there’s always hot to be some prick who tells the non amused that everyone else is amused so enjoy it that we are laughing at you.
Of course it’s true.
The first blonde gazed up at the sky, and asked her companion "Which do you think is closer? The moon or Florida?"
Her friend replied "Well, duh! Can you see Florida from here?"
My blond niece just had a baby girl. She is waiting for DNA test results to see if it’s hers.
" Be careful :)
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