Alarming New Study Finds That Everyone Who Gets COVID Will Die At Some Point (Humor)

Babylon Bee ^ | 24 Dec 2021 | Babylon Bee

[BeauBo]

The CDC has announced the results of an alarming new study: everyone who has ever been infected with COVID-19 will die at some point in their life...

"This is a terrifying statistic," said Don Lemon on his nightly CNN broadcast. "The correlation between being infected and eventually dying is too high to dismiss. The important takeaway here is that we should all be terrified."

In a statement from the White House, President Biden expressed that he was “shook” by the study and would take aggressive action by infringing on a few more liberties just to be on the safe side.

[BeauBo]

"Conservative critics have responded by saying that everyone who voted for Biden will also eventually die—except for the ones who are already dead."

[Vendome]

Damnit!

[Twotone]

And then they’ll vote Democrat! ;-)

[Twotone]

I meant even the conservatives.

[depressed in 06]

This seems to pardon Fredo’s brother.

[frank ballenger]

We had to wait for the Bee to tell us people are dying today who never died before.

[Nifster]

Oh noes. We’re all gonna die

😱😱😱😱

[sasquatch]

Twice as likely after consuming carrots...

[Impala64ssa]

BIPOCs, persons of color, LGBTQIA/FUBAR hardest hit.

[Bubba_Leroy]

Democrat voters rise from the dead each election day. Dead people are one of the Democrats’ most reliable voting blocks. They vote early and often.

[yukong]

As Rush Limbaugh said many time…”everyone who has ever eaten carrots has died or will die some day. So carrots must be bad.”

[MattMusson]

The Preacher showered his audience with some fire and brimstone and finished up saying, “Everyone in this congregation is going to die someday.”

Even after his efforts he noticed one fellow in the corner grinning. Exasperated the Preacher asked, “Why are you still smiling?”

The man replied, “I’m not a member of this Congregation!”

[Chode]

[Impala64ssa]

(in a Hilary type screech) THIS. IS. UNACCEPTABLE!!

[Retain Mike]

Those who believe in pre-tribulation theology and did not vote for Biden may make it.

[Pennsyltucky Boy]

OMG… we’re all going to die? Please God,tell this cannot be true!