Posted on 12/13/2021 11:05:34 AM PST by CondoleezzaProtege
If your spouse says to you, “I love you but I’m not IN love with you anymore” … OUCH! You are experiencing a big OUCH to the Nth degree! Even if you’ve said those words to your spouse, I say OUCH! Those words cause a lot of pain to a lot of spouses. And it causes a lot of pain and huge upsets to a lot of families.
When those words are given, you are either the giver or the receiver of that pain. Either way there are horribly hurt feelings that are involved!
Tragically, that phrase of loving, but not being in love with the spouse is being said by marriage partners everywhere we turn. It’s like a deadly plague that is pushed out in epidemic proportions. And it’s infecting and killing marriages all over the world. We call it the “in and out of love” sickness. That’s because that’s what it is!
Now, I’m not throwing verbal stones. I have to confess that this same insidious sickness invaded our marriage as well. A number of years ago, I felt the same way about my husband, Steve. I was tired of what was going on in our marriage. As a result, I just wasn’t experiencing the same romantic feelings I once had for him. I concluded that I didn’t love him anymore and that this “love” would never return..
Thankfully, God intervened and opened my eyes. All was not hopeless. I just thought it was. After some convincing, God then helped me to resurrect a new love—a true love for my husband.
Because of that experience, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to pass along to you...
(Excerpt) Read more at marriagemissions.com ...
Going through that right now.
There are some good little pieces of advice in that article—
I would word some of them differently.
“Motion is emotion.”
So, hiking is much better than going out to dinner. Running to get out of the rain is better than a slow walk in nice weather.
“Novelty is important.”
It is better to get a weird, funny and/or unexpected gift than a boring one.
“Humor is important.”
Everybody needs to stop taking themselves, life and others so seriously. Lighten up...crack lots of jokes...find humor in anything and everything.
All of this is particularly important as the days get shorter and colder.
Realizes it’s all brain chemicals, but I didn’t see neuro-hacking with nootropics as a solutin.
Our daughter was given this from her narcissist husband about a year ago, he just moved out and I suspect his girlfriend is measuring the windows for new draperies. Ask any person who has heard these words from their spouse, and they will tell you what came next. They are schmoozers and use it to get what they want, “if I tell him/her I still love them they won’t clean my clock in court.”
Jesus said “Love on another....”
At the altar, most ceremonies require the parties to PROMISE to love on another.
So stop with all of this “falling out of love” or “I don’t love you anymore” nonsense. Love is an affirmative act, not a feeling or state of mind.
Then it’s time to move on…lawyer up and get it done…no sense throwing more financial and emotional capital at a bad hand…btdt…
Her major complaint with me nowadays is that I am lazy, and she is right, but I'm getting old too. I subscribe to the Robert A. Heinlein view that laziness has driven human advancement through history, as the lazy man invents a better way to do things.
We'll get to fifty if we live long enough.
Dad was married six times.
Mother was married four times.
My younger brother was married four times.
My youngest brother was married three times.
I’ve been married once — for 30 years now.
What the hell am I doing wrong?
“I love you but I’m not IN love with you anymore“
ABC Movie of the week scriptwriter bullshit.
At least it was for my wife. I went straight to the best divorce lawyer in town, got his private detective on it and figured out who the she was seeing. I then kicked her out of the house and divorced her.
Best thing I’ve ever done.
Not a thing. Congratulations on 30 years!
That's a big load of crap. Love is first, an emotion and second, an action. Without the emotion, you won't have the action.
BTW, when your spouse changes over time and becomes a person that you just can't stand being around, the love is gone. When you get treated poorly, and are not valued by your spouse for anything other than maybe your paycheck, the love you once had for your spouse will cease. Bank on it. No "action" will fix that.
Not so much anymore. "Until death do us part" has been often replaced with: "As long as our love shall last".
timely topic. Wife and I are living separately. Getting along ok, nothing romantic going on though...minister says living separate cannot be a permanent state if affairs and of course divorce is not permitted. I have no desire to get back together under the same roof with the same “terms/conditions”....nor have any desire to divorce/remarry...ah well....
Gone thru it more than once.
Don’t trust your feelings. The heart lies.
Re-read what I wrote about Jesus and about the marriage ceremony. You might not like someone, but that does not relieve you of your obligation to love someone, especially your spouse.
And don’t forget this one from Jesus: “Love your enemies.”
If you bail on a marriage because you don’t love your spouse, you violated your vows. For better, for worse, and all that.
The other one is ‘Until I’m no longer happy,” concocted by those who erroneously think that marriage is somehow supposed to make you and keep you happy.
In reply to: At the altar, most ceremonies require the parties to PROMISE to love on another.
Not so much anymore. “Until death do us part” has been often replaced with: “As long as our love shall last”
One FReeper, well, a few...stated that this phrase ILYBINILWY...is a lousy excuse/prelude to affair...whatever it is, I feel for you (or anyone else who is getting this mealy-mouthed monkeyshine).
I got a lot of info at survivinginfidelity.com...prayers up.
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