[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Guns are icky-poo.

/sarc

[throwthebumsout]

Ew.

[dsrtsage]

Normally I would agree, but the homecoming queen has a gun, and I need to protect myself

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

#1) You can always count on the police to protect you.

Then why do they call themselves Law Enforcement Officers and not Citizen Protection Officers?

Because they enforce laws that are broken. That's phase two. Phase one is to prevent the crime. That means citizens should arm themselves.

[al baby]

icky pew pew pew hey this chit is fun pew pew pew

[SES1066]

#3) Guns make journalists wet their pants: If you live near a journalist and he hears you own a gun, he may wet his pants.

Ah-hah, it now becomes clear why New York City has such stringent laws against guns, there would be major flooding around the New York Times HQ on a daily basis! Stores would run out of adult-size diapers and the supply chain can't handle that!

[Pajamajan]

1 reason you DO need a gun: Australia

[Vigilanteman]

There is an element of truth to #6, as long as the local Target remains stocked and open. What criminal wants your used stuff when they can score new?

[Dead Corpse]

It’s a good thing I lost all of mine in that tragic boating accident...

[BipolarBob]

My wife said I could buy a gun but not an Ar-15. So I bought the much more petite less threatening AR-10.

[FatherofFive]

#9 Guns, other than the muskets that existed at the time, are unconstitutional! You don't want to be unconstitutional, do you?

Somebody actually said that on the Chris Plante show yesterday

[Ken H]

T-shirt at a recent gun show I attended =>

“My wife said she’d leave me if I bought a gun. I sure will miss her.”

[ThunderSleeps]

At least in some areas there is probably an element of truth to #6. Why break into someone's home to steal a TV that's a couple of years old? You know you're going to have a hard time finding the remote for it. Also you might be exposed to dander from the family pets and you know how cats make you sneeze...

Seriously stores have all the newest stuff, nicely organized into departments, conveniently packaged for safe transport. No hunting for remotes, or charging cords for phones, or accidentally grabbing that 6 year old laptop they kept around. They're well lit, no pets to get in the way.

[SaxxonWoods]

I don’t need a gun. I have plenty.

[Paleo Pete]

OK, I don’t NEED a gun...

But I sure do WANT 3 or 4 more...

[Paal Gulli]

I know I don't need a gun. I don't want one, either. But that doesn't change the fact that it's out of my hands because my gun is da debil and has taken possesion of my mind.

So if you want me to give up my gun, don't bother talking to me, take it up with my gun. Because IT has the final say on the matter. I guaran-dam-tee it.

[SERE_DOC]

[TigersEye]

Guns make journalists wet their pants: If you live near a journalist and he hears you own a gun, he may wet his pants. You don't want something like that on your conscience.

This author don't know me very well, do he? LOL

[Some Fat Guy in L.A.]

Writing for the Bee must be like shooting fish in a barrel these days. The satire practically writes itself.