Posted on 09/27/2021 4:44:21 AM PDT by sodpoodle
ROMANCE:Betty was lying in bed one night. Jim was falling asleep but Betty was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting..." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said:"Then you used to kiss me...." Mildly irritated, he reached across gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said:"Then you used to bite my neck...."Angrily, Jim threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed."Where are you going?" Betty asked. "To get my teeth!"
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER: 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec-room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
SENIOR DRIVING:
As a senior citizen was driving down the interstate, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car, it's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING: Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. And, again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
We'll be friends till we're old & senile -- then we'll be new friends!
ROFL!!!
Tain’t funny MaGee
I resemble everyone of those tales.
*************Tain’t funny MaGee
I resemble everyone of those tales.****************
Yes, but you are alive:)
“Betty was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.”
Almost too much realism for a joke!
:-)
I think I resemble some of those. Getting old ain’t for the weak of heart I tell you.
Vernon! 😳🤪
The only good thing about getting old is it beats the alternative....................
I can laugh at this stuff now...but wait until I get young.
Little Old Lady: Why yes, I have a .38 in my purse.
Officer: Ok, do you have any other weapons in the car?
LOL: Yes, There's this gun in the glove compartment.
Officer: Hmm. Do you have any other weapons in the car ma'am?
LOL: Well there's this .50 cal pistol under the seat.
Officer: Lady, why do you have all these guns? What are you afraid of?
LOL: Not a damn thing!
BFLR.
A couple was lying in bed one night wanting to have sex after a while the man says what you can’t think of anyone ether.
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