Posted on 09/02/2021 11:22:18 AM PDT by tnlibertarian
I received this unsolicited job offering via email, written in some combination of Old English and Southern. Too funny not to share:
Good afternoon,
A new job for Batch Manager of ours parcel company has just been initiated. Our biz offers a vast pay cheque 'n' practice enrollment to receive thou as a worker of our management's deploying & intensely powerful squad.
We learned yours contacts thru the CareerBuilder online spot 'n' judge that thine knowledge possibly might be potentially interesting for us. When thou are shiver about our comradeship's stance, do not hesitate to write an e-mail to our biz so our staff chiefs would be of power to display you improved post's description.
Compensation: $ 4,000 a 4 weeks.
An appointment is for ones which can perform their work from dwelling. If thou would afford to bodily reside in yours dwelling from nine AM ending with 5 PM, ya'll might rise some buck. The kernel of our firm's job is to go with lots. Things that will be UR upright capacities: get packs out of 1 transmitter, make another pack for them following our comradeship's brief, and to forward packs to additional man. Ye has to be a flawless team member for opened non-office position if you are a just started to be a mother, a student of outlying direction of tuition, retired, unable to work normally outdoors man, or the human which hates to make departure dwelling to make function.
Ya'll shall not be obliged to transact with soggy boxes. Generally, you could search out habiliment or sports stuff inside boxes. Instructions is given with no charge. Everything you shall need to be employed by our company is a personal computer, entrance to the online network, and printer to be able to print notes for parcels. How much money thou will be able to earn relies upon only on thou – the more time you all function, the larger ye receive. Normally, men which only begin labor for our company receive about 1000 bucks per 7 days. Are ya'll stirred up by this appointment? Don't hesitate to contact us via online mail. But remember that being at dwelling from nine-hundred hours to 5 o'clock PM is a must to be able to be employed to mentioned position (in another case, mentioned appointment ain't for you all, unfortunately).
v
Sounds French. E-mail from Haiti, perhaps?
Apparently, being coherent is not a job requirement.
I had thought Asian, but with the ‘cheque’ in there, could be.
I pasted the first sentence into Google.
The very first hit? Google Translate! Even Google is perplexed by this.
Actually, the “thee”s and “thou” type stuff is early modern english. Exemplified by Shakespeare. Believe it or not, all Shakespeare words are still in our dictionary.
Middle english - Chaucer. Recognizable, but you’ll need a glossary. About a third of the words no longer used. Many different spellings. Reading it out loud you will sometimes find yourself speaking a perfect english accent due to the phonetics of the spelling.
Old english is anglo-saxon, see Beowulf. This is english before the norman invasion and is effectively a “foreign” language.
That should serve as an adequate reply.
“Ya’ll shall not be obliged to transact with soggy boxes.”
Pretty sure that’s guaranteed by the Constitution.
From Joe Biden?.......................
This is my new tagline. Too awesome not to.
This has to be a joke.
Sorry. Early modern english and redneck.
Speaking of thee and thou, you sound like you might know this answer. I read somewhere that there was a Norse? letter for ‘th’ that resembled a ‘Y’, and that when typesetting began, a ‘Y’ was often used for it, so we ended up with ‘Ye Olde..., but would have been pronounced ‘The’. Any idea about the veracity of that theory?
Sounds good! Be sure to cash the first check and send part of it back to your employer in the form of ye old Apple gift cards. That’s how the biz requires thou service.
This is the best laugh I’ve had in days. Do you have a Navajo friend that could respond for you?
We learned yours contacts thru the CareerBuilder online spot ‘n’ judge that thine knowledge possibly might be potentially interesting for us.
Rotfl
You put your name on here?
Nicole Lee? That was the supposed name of the sender of the email.
I read somewhere that scammers actually prefer messed up wording. An aware reader will catch the mistakes, and be on alert. The scammers don’t want to deal with those folks anyway.
Scammers want to deal with folks who are not so sophisticated. Those folks are much easier to swindle.
Thy humble and obedient servant...
You’ve been recruited by Qanon.
Think engagement.
Think angular displacement.
Think Pokemon.
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