Posted on 05/23/2021 11:12:28 PM PDT by wac3rd
Sorry about the vanity, but here goes....my wife and I sold our Bay Area home and bought a nice place in suburban Boise. Our kids were in school, limited masks and life was about 80% of normal vs. 20% in California.
Fast forward to May. My wife hates it here. She is conservative but said she would pay the high taxes, property taxes and cost of living to avoid the culture here. She thinks that our school-aged kids will not be able to prosper if they stay here in Idaho. No exposure to worldly things, more blue collar, less sophistication, etc.
I miss our friends in CA, but can work here and make the same money, so can she.
I do not want to go, I think it's going to be a drought/fire/BLM summer and as soon as a new strain of COVID hits, lockdowns and more.
I am at an impasse. I could stay (she offered it) but lose my family, or go and just deal with the insanity.
I am going to move back because my family comes first but am extremely aggravated and sad to leave a place where they value God, the USA and freedom.
Sorry to vent. We have 7 years until the little one graduates HS, so I will hold out until then.
Anyway, anyone else heard of a blue state exodus who does a U-turn in 9 months?
Oakland looked pretty good when we sailed in from Yokohama.
Of course, that was 1961...
Good luck ... and I truly mean that.
What about the culture in Boise doesn’t she like? Also, what part of Boise are you in? Different parts of the city have different vibes.
“This isn’t about where you live. It’s about who’s in control. Your woman is issuing threatening ultimata generated in whine sessions at the local female hive-mind discontentment mill.”
Yep, that was my first thought too. The local “Wife’s Club” is influencing this ideology.
Agree that this story is click-bait. A few months back there was a similar story in the San Antonio Express News about a guy from Ca who moved to a upper-middle class North Austin suburb. He and his family are Caucasion and the area is majority Caucasion also. In his LTE he whined about the racism and lack of sophistication of his neighbors, and most other things that make Texas so very different from CA.
Most commenters on the article offered to pay for his trip back to CA. The rest suggested that the story is a campaign by the CA government to try to slow the population exodus out of CA.
Offer to move to Portland.
Then she and the kids can have “exposure to worldly things, less blue collar values”.
Only half joking. Surely there is somewhere in Oregon that is a little more sophisticated for her tastes, and not insane yet to please you....
My take on the series was Lisa adapted to Green Acres better than Oliver which was of course part of the comic situation.
Yeah, that’s the part that threw me a curve. thx
Find an Air Bnb for a month in the area she wants to move back to comparable to what you would buy in California. Then go back to Idaho and make decisions. Maybe the trip will remind her why you moved in the first place.
As others have said, if she insists on moving back, file for divorce in Idaho if you want a chance for your kids to be.
“I wish I could live in a small town.”
I used to but it filled up with Californians.
There is NOTHING sophisticated about Kalifornia. I was born there. I find Kali to be backwater. Boise is no cultural center either. Maybe find someplace else to go.
A friend just moved to St. George, Utah. I’ve been there twice now, helping her move. I love that town. It has all the amenities and there’s no trash, people are nice, clean. Check out some other places is what I’m saying.
Your wife is not a conservative.
Just my opinion, but sadly, her statement reveals her real plan.
Your wife has already decided to divorce you.
Knowing California law favors HER and screws YOU, she had to come up with a deceptive reason to get back in order to file there.
As soon as (or sooner) you see her making definitive plans to move, like contacting real estate agents, rental deposits, etc., IMMEDIATELY get yourself to an Idaho attorney and pre-emptively file FIRST. Idaho law gives you and your children the advantage over California law.
Do it to preserve your children’s right to grow up close with their father, as close to normal as possible.
God Bless you, you are going to need it.
Mrs. K
I considered Boise so visited it for a long weekend.
I was bored after 3 days.
The drugs moving into Boise has changed things over where it was 10 years ago.
My rule is to visit possible locations in the best and worst seasons.
Is your wife’s name Karen by chance? Couldn’t help myself.
Kind of similar to start but now the opposite here. We moved from bustling Ctrl FL which I suppose you could call worldly with all the foreign accents. We moved to rural MO and at one time my wife wanted to go back to FL. Come to find out, she was having a bit of a long distance love affair on facebook with her Jr Prom date. I learned this from a neighbors of course. The truth of the matter is that I was being a bit of a dickhead and not showing much love or saying I love you and she was sick of that.
She was working part time as I was clearing up this hunk of woods to make room for us, building a cabin and shop, driveway etc. I bitched at her about the dishes. She took that as me expecting her to come home from work and do the dishes but what it really was, is that she’d have two days off and at the end of that two days, every single pot, pan, plate, bowl and utensil would be dirty, mostly from her making something for herself. She’s bad about feeding herself and not considering anyone else in the house, including the kids.
That and when on the phone, she’d say I love you and I’d say mmm, hmmm. It’s not like that was something new. I’ve just never been big on saying I love you, thank you, please etc which is a fault, I know. I’m not a talker in general. I don’t even think I ever told her I loved her before we got married.
So what did we do? We talked it out. I told her my point of view on things, how I see things and I tried to understand how she sees things. I say “I love you too” now and sometimes I even say “I love you” first.
You have to step back and try to see things from a distance and see things how she sees them as well.
She’s made some friends here recently which has helped. The biggest thing now is, with all the craziness, five years of rabid insanity, lies and hate from the left. Covid, stolen election, summer of riots, lockdowns etc. She definitely doesn’t want to go back to “civilization”. FL isn’t bad right now with DeSantis as governor but he won’t be there forever and it is a very diverse place. We can’t afford it anyway. I’m not going back to renting and we can’t afford to buy there.
Take her out for dinner. Take her and the kids on some outings, worldly like. Aquarium, museum, art, a quaint downtown with artsy, folksy feel, outdoor music etc.
Go outside with her for a couple of hours and talk things out.
https://boise.org/public/treefort/ (Very worldly and they even have a techie part, Hackfort) Not until Sept though.
https://visitgardencity.com/things-to-do/ (more worldliness)
I think ya’ll got a case of cabin fever from the lockdowns. Maybe you moved there and got too settled in and didn’t experience the place. I don’t know how locked down Boise got but you’ve only been there 9 months which means you’ve only been there during COVID. Not a good time to judge a place. A quick look at “Boise things to do” and it looks like a liberal’s dream and it sounds like your wife is culturally liberal.(looking at individual websites, it seems to be pretty locked down, postponed)
Find something that’s interesting and open and go have a good time with the family for a day or weekend. Then after that, have a talk with her. Remind her that you’ve been there during COVID only and that every place sucks right now. Try to buy some time.
Talk, discuss, not argue. And for Pete’s sake stand/sit up straight.
Another suggestion...consider AZ:
Scottsdale, Paradise Valley, Fountain Hills might be more of what you are looking for.
Close to the social events most CA residents like.
I call Scottsdale “Disneyland for the over 55” in normal years.
There are other CA refugees here she knows (all women) who want to go back to Walnut Creek/Lafayette area
There’s yer problem right there!
Me, probably. But then I've lived near New York City all my life. Though these days NYC is a bit of a backwater too. Few restaurants, no opera, museums not so much.
ML/NJ
I think I see the problem here.
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