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Artisanal Firewood
CBC ^

Posted on 02/25/2021 2:03:51 PM PST by Politically Correct

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TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: artisanal; clickbait; firewood; humor
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To: Paladin2
I eat all sorts of “inorganic” food all time time...<\i>

What....like Cheetos?

41 posted on 02/25/2021 3:44:16 PM PST by Politically Correct (A member of the rabble in good standing)
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To: TangoLimaSierra

Splitting logs is how I relax. Hurricanes took 9 big trees down. I have enough to keep me busy for a few years.


42 posted on 02/25/2021 3:47:14 PM PST by ImaGraftedBranch (The love of many has grown cold. Come, Lord Jesus.)
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To: Politically Correct
Nice, goof-off satire. I buy my firewood in .75 cu. ft. bags off a pallet at Kroger. All hardwood, hickory and oak. I figger that in about three weeks, I'll load up on more, and make sure the fireplace and wood stove have more than we'll burn, 'cuz it's starting to warm up a little here in Alabama now. I avoid that green sappy ratwood people sell in parking lots around here and try to pass it off as hardwood. The whole house reeks like a forest fire.

Now I bet I threw a hex on us and we'll get a bone-freezer come through at the end of March.

43 posted on 02/25/2021 3:48:25 PM PST by Viking2002 (The revolution won't need to be televised. It'll be on your doorstep.)
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To: ImaGraftedBranch

“I have enough to keep me busy for a few years.”

BINGO. I have trouble burning the average annual growth [CO2 sequestration] on the lot to keep from being overwhelmed.

[And we don’t have no kudzu up here...]


44 posted on 02/25/2021 3:56:35 PM PST by Paladin2
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To: Politically Correct
That business model would work (woodwork?) in NYC. Not for $1,200 per, but still at ridiculous prices.

Sell it at Dean & DeLuca.

45 posted on 02/25/2021 4:07:53 PM PST by RoosterRedux
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To: OftheOhio

I was looking at their web site, wanting to see how much they cost.

In case I ever hit the lottery.

No prices that I could find.

Like they say ... if you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.

I would guess they’ve got to be solidly five figures.


46 posted on 02/25/2021 4:14:57 PM PST by DuncanWaring (The Lord uses the good ones; the bad ones use the Lord.)
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To: Noumenon

Ping.


47 posted on 02/25/2021 4:15:58 PM PST by DuncanWaring (The Lord uses the good ones; the bad ones use the Lord.)
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To: Politically Correct

Yes, it’s sold on Etsy here.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/289768747/split-firewood-maple-oak-birch-apple-or?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=firewood&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1


48 posted on 02/25/2021 4:28:52 PM PST by cicero2k
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To: Rebelbase; DuncanWaring
Amen to that. At 70, I've surrendered a bit to my age and got a hand operated hydraulic wood splitter this year. It's basically a 10 ton bottle jack mounted on one end of a rail with a splitting wedge at the other. I crank it with a 3' lever. Works great on the knotty stuff. Best thing is that it never runs out of gas until I do.

But this artisanal firewood thing gives me an idea. I can harvest winter moose poop, dry it for a few months and offer it as organic deep woods fire starters for, oh, say $300 for a half pound. Doctor it with scented oils for that additional snob factor.

49 posted on 02/25/2021 4:51:02 PM PST by Noumenon (The Second Amendment exists primarily to deal with those who just won't take no for an answer. KTF)
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To: Rebelbase

One time I looked at the packaged firewood they sell at the grocery store. A 0.6 cu. ft. bag sold for $5.99, which works out to $1277.87 per cord. I don’t know what kind of wood it was, looked like a softwood. What a racket.


50 posted on 02/25/2021 5:52:25 PM PST by HartleyMBaldwin
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To: Noumenon
If someone wants very spectacular fireplace wood, I could sell them some very dry Bois D'Arc wood.

Guaranteed to make fireworks in your hearth, and your carpet, sofa, recliner and burn your entire house down.

51 posted on 02/25/2021 5:56:24 PM PST by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's for sure.)
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To: TangoLimaSierra

There’s a local sawmill that deals mostly in Pine but does Red Oak on occasion. They toss all oak scrap, a combination of 4x4 and 6x4 ends about 12” long and 1” thick slab pieces from squaring the logs, onto a pile half the size of a tennis court and sell it for $20 a truck load.

3 years ago I hauled out 22 truck loads over the spring and summer and have just about gone through it all. It’s been a nice supplement to the Locust, Apple and White Oak harvested from blow-downs on my neighbor’s property.


52 posted on 02/25/2021 6:44:39 PM PST by Rebelbase (COVID misanthrope)
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To: Deaf Smith

Fun times!


53 posted on 02/25/2021 7:17:43 PM PST by Noumenon (The Second Amendment exists primarily to deal with those who just won't take no for an answer. KTF)
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To: Rebelbase

I made a 3 inch diameter candlestick in my first wood turning class. It was made out of a short wet Apple log. I was shooting curls over my shoulder in no time. One of the funnest things I’ve ever done in my life. It was legal too, lol.


54 posted on 02/25/2021 8:07:22 PM PST by OftheOhio (never could dance but always could fight - Romeo company)
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To: Persevero

There are various definitions of organic from government and private organizations. Compliance is another matter. As for whether the concept of eating organic has value, well-sourced studies increasingly attribute declining sperm levels and rising endocrine disorders to persistent chemical pollutants. Call me an environmentalist scold, but maintaining male fertility and avoiding having ten year old kids enter full on puberty seem like worthy objectives.


55 posted on 02/25/2021 8:35:56 PM PST by Rockingham
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To: Rockingham

I won’t quite call you a scold but I think:

- most stuff used on produce is fine
- stuff is in the atmosphere and soil and gets into the so called organic anyway and
- most puberty issues are from soy ingredients and kids being in drugs


56 posted on 02/25/2021 9:11:20 PM PST by Persevero (I am afraid propriety has been set at naught. - Jane Austen )
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To: Persevero

The bad “stuff” includes compounds in water and virtually all food stuffs and well as many plastics and other household products. Cumulative doses of such damaging compounds are hard to measure, which in turn makes it hard or impossible to identify specific culprits because the ill effects usually seem to be due to cumulative doses. Blaming soy or other drugs is like blaming bullets from ghetto gun play for common childhood lead poisoning in urban slums instead of pervasive lead paint and lead in auto gasoline. Fortunately, for the sake of public health, we got rid of lead paint and lead in gas and lead exposure has declined dramatically.


57 posted on 02/25/2021 9:21:42 PM PST by Rockingham
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To: Rockingham

Yes and while I can’t prove it I think it was getting rid of all lead paint.

Similarly if you believe certain pesticides or fertilizers are dangerous then they are still around if used on the majority agriculture so I think it’s getting in the organic so called.

A lab could test an organic apple and see what’s on it/in it if so inclined.

And then an inorganic. Any difference?

I am not convinced the herbicides and pesticides and fertilizer are harmful to us anyway.


58 posted on 02/25/2021 9:57:50 PM PST by Persevero (I am afraid propriety has been set at naught. - Jane Austen )
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To: Politically Correct

Me and my wife moved to a new place and it had a wood burning fire place. I had a cord delivered and as the guys were unloading it I asked if it was seasoned. They said yes, and my wife asked what it was seasoned with, She wanted a cinnamon vanilla smell. Me and the wood guy had a laugh over that.

It became a running joke.


59 posted on 02/25/2021 10:07:03 PM PST by CJ Wolf (wwg1wga Godwins; what is scarier than offensive words? Not being able to say them.. )
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To: Persevero

The trend of the evidence is that persistent chemical pollutants are injurious.


60 posted on 02/26/2021 1:13:31 AM PST by Rockingham
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