Posted on 02/07/2021 8:28:53 PM PST by BipolarBob
TAMPA, FL—Scandal is once again rocking the NFL on Super Bowl Sunday after accusations surfaced that Tampa Bay Buccaneer Quarterback Tom Brady has been taking performance-enhancing Metamucil.
"Yeah, I heard that too," said Kansas City Quarterback Patrick Mahomes. "I heard people his age need to take it every day in order to be able to poop like normal young football players like me. I wouldn't be surprised in the least."
Tom Brady has forcefully denied all accusations.
"Shut up guys! I'm not that old, I'm only 43!" said Mr. Brady to a roomful of sports reporters. "43 is not that old! Why would I need to take Metamucil? I had a perfectly good bowel movement just this morning!" After he said this, the entire room burst out in laughter, since Tom Brady had just used the phrase "bowel movement."
In light of the scandal, some others say they feel emboldened to come forward regarding some other Tom Brady wrongdoings. At the time of publishing, several witnesses accused Brady of illegally deflating the tennis balls on the walker he uses to get from his front door to his mailbox.
LOL what is he over 70 now???
I really gotta add Metamucil to my diet. Even my wife says I’m constipated.
When Steve Forbes ran for POTUS I thought he was addicted to it.
Mahomes had the Tampa Bay defense to loosen his bowels.
On the Bleacher Report after winning a 7th SB and 5th MVP there is actually an article titled, Why does Brady Refuse to Wear a Mask? And, unlike the Bee it is not satire.
I personally think this may have been our last Super Bowl as we know it. The dems want it dead.
#6. I suspect that Brady put Ex-lax in the Quatorade drinks of the Chiefs because he sure knocked the crap out of them.
On their way up to the top of the mountain, a woman said “There’s a crack in the ice.” Beavis & Butthead laugh and say “She said crack.” I’m surprised they let that in. And I laughed.
Poop jokes aren’t my favorite, but the are a solid number two.
We kept switching OFF OF THE COMMERCIALS when they were doing their special messaging. I am amazed that I caught two good ones.
And, I could not listen to the gal reading the poem. There should be NO POEM READING AT A FOOTBALL GAME. PERIOD.
Constipation has NEVER been a problem for me. But a few years back, or maybe not so few, I just got to where I just can’t trust that it’s just gas. Getting older give one so many opportunities to learn. I didn’t say that they were the kind of things you want to learn.
Bump!
Some of the companies decided not to run a commercial this year because they were worried about offending people. Jeep didn’t get the message. It was just another in your face taunt that “we” won, so let’s forget about the cheating and just get along.
Tom’s stool will perform better for sure. It will be tidier and exit more efficiently.
Its a scandal!!!
I would say call the president but he would be inclined to sign an EO to confiscate all Metamucil for everyone. And then forget that he signed it.
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