Posted on 12/14/2020 9:33:04 AM PST by Leaning Right
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level).
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Patient: Doc, I’m very anxious. I can’t decide if I’m a teepee or a wigwam.
Doctor: The problem is you’re too tense.
Very funny, sent to family, they will love it
Patient: Doc, my stomach is killing me!
Doctor: Please look out the window and stick out your tongue.
Patient: And this will help my stomach?
Doctor: No. I just can’t stand the guy across the street.
The past and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Patient: Doc, it hurts when I touch here (touches his arm), Then it hurts when I touch there (touches his head), And it really hurts when I touch here (touches his leg). What’s wrong?
Doc: You have broken fingers!
The king of one liners and arguably the funniest man to ever walk the planet... I give you the late great Rodney Dangerfield:
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, “Wait til it gets warmer.”
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.
I’m not that old
Patient: Doc, I have the wind something awful. Fortunately for my husband, it neither smells nor gives a report.
Doc: Please, take this medicine and see me in a week.
Patient: Doc, I’ve taken that medicine religiously for the past week, but I must say it makes my wind as foul as decaying flesh.
Doc: Excellent! Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let’s work on your hearing.
That’s the best thing I’ve heard in ages.
There I was, sitting by myself at the bar staring at my untouched drink. Suddenly, a 6’ 8” tattooed biker steps up next to me and grabs my drink. He then grins at me and gulps down my drink in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. “This is the worst day of my life,” I say to him. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.” “So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing!” “But enough about me. How’s your day going?”
That was funny :)
But 60 isn’t senior anymore. Maybe when the average life span was 67.
I consider people over 70 to be senior.
If they didn’t take care of their body then they were seniors at 50 :)
> I consider people over 70 to be senior. <
My grandmother used to say that the “old age” line should always be 10 years older than you are. So when you’re 15, 25 is old. And when you’re 65, 75 is old.
By the way, my grandmother used to go to Hungarian dances well into her 80s. So I suppose that she then considered a senior citizen to be someone in their 90s.
LOL. Fooled me and I laughed. Good one. It is funnier if you are 60 than 20.
I consider people over 70 to be senior.
Hey, watch your mouth,
I resemble that remark!
I’d rather eat the Potatoes.
Let us offer a toast to our wives!
Let us offer a toast to our girlfriends!
And may they never meet!
ROFLOL, 1 LB IS THE WEIGHT LIMIT PER MY ORTHO/NEUROSURGEON.
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