Posted on 05/05/2020 2:31:59 PM PDT by jonascord
U.S.—Many states have begun extending their lockdowns permanently in a bid to end traffic deaths for good.
States found that as they locked everybody in their homes, car accidents virtually disappeared. So they did the obvious thing and decided the lockdowns should be made permanent.
"A million people die in auto accidents every year, and if you want people to be able to go outside, you obviously want all these people to die," said New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. "Why do you hate people so much, anti-science bigots? I'll wait for an answer." Cuomo then just stood there, arms folded, waiting for an answer, but since it was a live stream, he stood for hours before aides finally cut the feed off.
Scientists believe the lockdown can also end all deaths from various other sources:
Shark attacks
Falling into the Grand Canyon
Getting crushed by a falling pine tree
Being mauled by a grizzly bear
Skydiving
Getting run over by a steam roller
"Together, we can defeat death itself," said California Governor Gavin Newsom as he announced the state would be under lockdown permanently. "O traffic deaths, where are your sting?"
Unfortunately, new projections indicate the number of people who will die of starvation and other lockdown-related causes may offset the decrease in traffic deaths.
Is this satire, or is this the true Democrat party thinking?
Or, being involved in a wreck on the way to vote for Donald Trump
“Getting run over by a steam roller”
Also known as the pro-terrorist Rachel Corrie, ‘Flat As A Pancake’ disease.
“Is this satire, or is this the true Democrat party thinking?”
Close enough that it’s funny as all get-out.
If it was not pretty close to being truth, it would not be funny. Just maybe a bit of exageration.
“Or, being involved in a wreck on the way to vote for Donald Trump”.
That could be a part of the dems very broad plan to limit voters.
This should NOT be satire this is what they want unfortunately..and if anyone actually thinks Dems give a rats behind about “Saving lives” I got a bridge to sell ya
Guns are to be banned too since 35,000 people die from guns each year. “If it saves one life.”
Car insurance companies beg for bailout.
Well, it IS The Babylon Bee, so it’s hard to tell.
I hear you.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.