Skip to comments.Paid Mourners Weep As Bloomberg Exits Primary(satire)
Posted on 03/05/2020 10:44:39 AM PST by Impala64ssa
NEW YORK, NYMoments after Mike Bloomberg announced he was suspending his campaign, the Bloomberg campaign office was filled with inconsolable mourners, who were compensated handsomely.
No, Mike, don't drop out -- please!" screamed one woman as she sobbed uncontrollably for the nice sum of $2,500. "We need you! America needs you! We love you, Mike!"
One mourner was seen rolling around on the ground screaming. Another was quieter and more reflective, as he was only paid $50. A high-ranking campaign staffer was reportedly paid over $50,000 to commit seppuku to restore honor to his name after failing the great Mike Bloomberg.
To end the memorial for his campaign, Bloomberg pulled out the world's tiniest violin and played a somber tune, though it was just a normal-sized violin in comparison with him (because he is small).
"Now that I'm done, I guess I'll go to Disneyland," Bloomberg joked, although he probably won't have much fun at Disneyland since he cannot ride most of the attractions (again, the height thing).
Seriesly were I Biden I would choose Minie Mike for VP. As a candidate he could thenself finance the entire campaign without restriction and spend 5 Billion between Aug and Nov. That would bury the nationin Biden ads.
I wouldnt be surprised if Mini Mike made being VP choice a condition for continued funding of Bidens campaign. He proved you cant buy the Presidency, but maybe he can buy the Vice-Presidency. Plus, given Bidens mental state, an invocation of the 25th Amendment shortly after the inauguration wouldnt really be shocking, so maybe he IS buying the Presidency.
I would like to see a Biden-Bloomberg ticket, only because there’s an outside possibility that Biden would carry Bloomberg around in a backpack, like Master Blaster in Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior.
” A high-ranking campaign staffer was reported to have been paid over $50,000 to commit seppuku to restore honor ...”
YOU’RE KILLING ME SMALLS !!
OK I totally bought it - until the seppuku thing ;’}
Yeah, that would cost at least $5 Million.
Time for a new folk song
Where Have All The Paid Bloomberg Bloggers Gone?
Think of it as Pinky and The Brain
You beat me in posting this. I laughed my butt off at this one.
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