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What Should You Wear To Church? A Handy Guide For Each Denomination
The Babylon Bee ^ | 10/17/19 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/20/2019 6:56:07 PM PDT by mkleesma

Whether you’re visiting your parents’ stuffy old Baptist church or piling into the family minivan because the kids are begging to ride the roller coaster at the sleek new megachurch down the street, the age-old question persists: what should you wear?

Wonder no longer, good and faithful servant. We sent a team of Babylon Bee agents to over two thousand churches, big and small, new and old, all across the land to research customs, dress codes, fashion do’s and fashion don’ts. This exhaustively researched article is the result, and it’s absolutely packed with helpful fashion tips.

Bookmark this page and check it any time you’re unsure what it is you ought to be wearing to church!

Baptist—When you hit the local Baptist church, dust off your best polo shirt and slacks, like Jesus wore. Women should be sure to wear long enough skirts, lest they should cause a brother to stumble by flashing too much ankle.

Calvary Chapel—God is worthy of our Sunday best, so make sure you pick out your finest sandals, shorts, and Hawaiian print shirt when you show your face at one of your city’s fifty-eight Calvary Chapel churches. The hardcore believers will be touting a copy of Left Behind or The Late Great Planet Earth tucked beneath their arm.

Presbyterian & Reformed—The key word here is classy. Sport a three-piece suit, top hat, and a monocle. Pair with glass of scotch or craft beer and a Romeo y Julieta brand cigar to really blend in.

Non-Denominational Megachurch—Whatever you woke up in. If it’s good enough to party in late Saturday night and crash on your couch in, it’s good enough for God. If you overdress by wearing a shirt that doesn’t show some skin or a low-key, modest outfit, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb!

Pentecostal—Go with something loose and flowing—anything good for waving your arms around in or flopping around like Magikarp. Secret pockets and compartments you can use to stow a tambourine or dancing ribbon are useful.

Catholic—You’d best wear your spiffiest Sunday outfit or your Grandma will pinch you, and it will hurt like the dickens. If your Grandma isn’t there, don’t worry, someone else’s Grandma will assume her pinching duties.

Methodist—Mainline Methodists should wear a tie-dye T-shirt with a left-leaning political statement like LOVE IS LOVE or PRIDE. If you’re one of the few Methodists still left in orthodoxy, a WESLEY IS MY HOMEBOY shirt oughtta do it.

Lutheran—16th-century German monastic robes are ideal. If you are having trouble locating those, you can go with a Baptist-esque business casual outfit as a fallback. But really, you’re gonna want to try to find the robes if you don’t want to look like a loser.

Episcopalian—Wear anything you want; no one will be there to see you anyway.

Eastern Orthodox—Your outfit doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you’ve got a long, flowing beard. Women are not exempt from this requirement.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Religion
KEYWORDS: babylon; bee; humor
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

I even plan to be buried in casual clothes!


81 posted on 10/22/2019 7:44:43 AM PDT by ealgeone
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To: stanne
The Catholic hatred on this site is real

with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. (Matthew 7:2)

Based upon the basis for the charge of "hatred of Catholicism" (reproof of Catholic doctrine) then it is true that "Catholic hatred on this site is real" - toward Protestants. For many Catholics not only insistently ceaseless promote a elitist one true church which demeans Protestants as being deficient in grace, and whose churches are not worthy to properly be called churches, but we see weekly outright attacks on Protestant faith, and many articles which do so.

Moreover, based upon your measure then you must admit to being a hater of haters of Catholics since you attack them as being anti-Catholics. Moreover, if you are still a supporter of Pope Francis (as right for our time) then you are an object of scorn by the "true Catholics" who attack him as being wrong for our time. They too must be haters.

Of course, I would not be surprised if you deny the above is the case, like as denying that practicing Catholics bash another religion, while denigrating those who reprove Rome as never presenting any serious challenge to the Church on FR, based on Catholic sources. Selective myopia.

But seeing as many times you have complained about this being an anti catholic site, then according to the spirit of Can. 831 §1 then maybe you should not post in threads here that are "accustomed to attack the catholic religion."

82 posted on 10/22/2019 7:47:35 AM PDT by daniel1212 ( Trust the risen Lord Jesus to save you as a damned and destitute sinner + be baptized + follow Him)
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To: stanne

Not in my parish, most of the men are in suits and ties, most of the women are in modest dresses, of course, it is Latin Mass.


83 posted on 10/22/2019 7:55:22 AM PDT by pbear8 (the Lord is my light and my salvation)
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To: pbear8

Nice


84 posted on 10/22/2019 8:13:52 AM PDT by stanne
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To: daniel1212
Each and every lay Roman Catholic is busting that canon wide open.

Shows there are rules for thee but not for me!

85 posted on 10/22/2019 8:49:23 AM PDT by ealgeone
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To: MuttTheHoople

Attending this modern, seeking church for the first time; I wore a nice, long sleeve shirt with tie and nice slacks.

Talk about feeling OVER dressed when I walked in the door!

But that shaven head pastor got me off guard as he preached a very orthodox message in his untucked shirt and clean blue jeans.

Of the four-five churches my wife and I visited after our old church had to close; we came back to this one for the GOSPEL was being presented every Sunday.

(Sadly; the same 5 worship songs are as well!)

Oh well; I’m part of the 99.


86 posted on 10/22/2019 6:06:17 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Songcraft

AMEN!


87 posted on 10/22/2019 6:07:12 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Songcraft

But; they didn’t show up at the same time.


88 posted on 10/22/2019 6:08:11 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Syncro; stanne
“In Catholicism we are to dress to visit Jesus as He is in the Eucharist”

I thought that man looked on the outside while GOD looks at the inside.

89 posted on 10/22/2019 6:13:21 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: stanne
Our priest has a guide for what not to wear in which it states denim doesn’t belong at mass.


James 2:1-4 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)
 
1 My brothers and sisters, practice your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ by not favoring one person over another. 
2 For example, two men come to your worship service. One man is wearing gold rings and fine clothes; the other man, who is poor, is wearing shabby clothes. 
3 Suppose you give special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say to him, “Please have a seat.” 
But you say to the poor man, “Stand over there,” or “Sit on the floor at my feet.” 
4 Aren’t you discriminating against people and using a corrupt standard to make judgments?

90 posted on 10/22/2019 6:19:07 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: HarleyD

Yes; James IS a bit different than the rigid rules of the Old Testement.


91 posted on 10/22/2019 6:23:04 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion
Less than half the males in America own a suit.

Nope; ALL do.

They got it on their BIRTHDAY!

92 posted on 10/22/2019 6:25:26 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion
Less than half the males in America own a suit.

Nope; all do.

(They got it on their BIRTHDAY!)

93 posted on 10/22/2019 6:27:44 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: FrdmLvr; Elsie

Just wear something nice to a worship service. If that’s a big problem then you have much bigger problems at home. Not going along, getting along. It is obtuse, cheap and boorish to not just dress up. That’s all

People are worshiping Don’t distract them. Be respectful. Wear something presentable. It can be the same thing every week just like people do with their “how fing awful and self degrading can I look today and go to the local Starbucks or Home Depot?” outfit they wear to church EVERY week

Or don’t. How much do people who complain about culture do anything to improve it by dressing decently?

I have a twelve dollar jacket I bought at a consignment shop six years ago and a black skirt. A pair of cvs 6.00 hoop earrings and a TJMaxx black tee.

I wear it to every interview and every wake. Got a black Talbots suit twelve years old. Every funeral

I fit in and also get complements from nyc self proclaimed fabulosae

I spend nothing but my original investment

To church TJMaxx yoga flare bottom pants, a seven year old Ross for less 9.00 shirt again. It’s years old. No one cares But I show up looking like someone who won’t distract from others’ worship - either feeling sorry for me or Wondering why I didn’t change my clothes on my way from working in the garden, tanning at the beach, working a shift at the strip club. They can ignore me and think about Jesus.

I get complementS. It’s like buying something with a bucket of dirt


94 posted on 10/22/2019 6:35:52 PM PDT by stanne
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To: Elsie

I wear worn out clothes at church. They’re old. They’re clean, pressed old. My shoes are anywhere from three to twenty years old. I buy good leather shoes and very seldom. I wear no jewelry except one or another of a couple of earrings.

Not ever did I ever say anything about fine clothes. Clean, modest, feminine or masculine

That’s it.

And because it is you, Elsie, against whom I have defended the Catholic Church for days on days to no end, my comment is for anyone reading but li will say now, I will not read any more of your anti Catholic hateful, illogical, accusatory nasty pretzel logic statements on this thread


95 posted on 10/22/2019 6:43:45 PM PDT by stanne
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To: Elsie

“ Nope; ALL do. They got it on their BIRTHDAY!”

...

Well, if you go to that kind of church!


96 posted on 10/22/2019 6:52:18 PM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: mkleesma

It’s more about zip code as much as denomination

I am southern baptist but I attended over the past ten years

Presbyterian
Southern Methodist
Lutheran
Church of Christ
Catholic
Pentecostal
Southern baptist
Disciples of Christ

Urban affluent Presbyterian was mostly suits or nice slacks and shirts

Urban southern Methodist more less same thing maybe slightly less dressy

Lutheran which was very very liberal....hippie wear to suits

Church of a Christ...hardtack no music....suits of course...

Catholic.....fairly liberal and mostly casual except for old folks

Pentecostal......less moneyed folks bit more Men’s Wearhouse and women in long skirts...think Laura Ashley 1980s for women

Southern Baptist. In Belle Meade where super rich like Mike Curb and Frist family attended..Mostly suits and designer purses

Southern Baptist in rural Williamson ...affluent but causal with gorgeous women...Brentwood Baptist is fine hunting ground for Young Life dating...I recommend it for kids...get saved and get a date with an Ole Miss Tri Delt

Disciples of Christ...
Liberal with lesbian preacher....I think you could attend naked

When I was young you always wore suits except Wednesday nights

Except me...I had a Nehru jacket


97 posted on 10/22/2019 6:55:53 PM PDT by wardaddy (I applaud Jim Robinson for his comments on the Southern Monuments decision ...thank you)
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To: Elsie

Not different but complimentary.


98 posted on 10/23/2019 2:05:03 AM PDT by HarleyD
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To: stanne
Just wear something nice to a worship service.
.
.
.

It helps to post the definition of NICE on the front door.


It is obtuse, cheap and boorish to not just dress up.

Tomayto - tomahto


'Dressing up' means different things to different people.

I finally realized that I was part of the 99 the shepherd left behind when he when to seek that lost sheep.

99 posted on 10/23/2019 10:30:37 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: stanne
..., I will not read any more of your anti Catholic hateful, illogical, accusatory nasty pretzel logic statements on this thread.

Carry this MO over to OTHER threads and you'll save yourself a LOT of time to proselytize for YOUR chosen religion.

100 posted on 10/23/2019 10:33:06 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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