Posted on 09/26/2019 7:01:36 AM PDT by Lazamataz
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At the same press conference where she announced plans to begin formal impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi also announced Democrats’ intent as soon as possible to get involved in a land war in Asia.
Pelosi said the two initiatives would be grouped together in a legislative package called “Easy Wins with No Unintended Consequences that Could Never Go Wrong and Blow Up in Our Faces for the Children Act of 2019.”
According to Pelosi, the act would also include other initiatives like co-signing on a loan for a boat and letting our brother-in-law crash in the living room just for a couple of weeks until he gets back on his feet. The act would also provide for America to challenge a Sicilian while death is on the line.
“Historically speaking,” said Pelosi, “Asian land wars have always been beneficial actions never associated with words like ‘hubris,’ ‘embarrassment,’ or ‘quagmire.’ That’s why we think our pursuit of this strategy is the perfect complement to impeachment.”
One GOP consultant said it was “inconceivable” that the Democrats would choose this course of action at this time. When questioned about his use of that word, he shouted to the roomful of reporters that they should all be unemployed in Greenland.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
The Co-sign on the boat thing looks a little iffy.
How big is the boat?
Better question: How big is the brother-in-law?
They left out an important legislative point: "Loan our crack-addicted brother 10,000 dollars for just a few months."
Maybe it can be attached via a rider.
In response, Trump should issue an executive order requiring Jerry Nadler to wear properly-sized pants.
I subscribed!
War in Asia sounds pretty stupid
The Bee writes like I WISH I wrote.
And they pump out new stuff several times a day. I could never keep up with that pace.
I have been out-Laz’d.
I think $10/month subscribers are encouraged to contribute ideas. (I did $5/month.) I don’t have the brain for thinking of satire and parody like this.
I went to the site and I find it hilarious that the context ads, probably keying off the article text, decided to offer to sell me a boat.
He’s a BILOUS (Brother-In-Law Of Unusual Size)
They can put it right after the “Buy into a timeshare in the Florida Keys” clause.
LOL
“...and letting our brother-in-law crash in the living room just for a couple of weeks until he gets back on his feet.”
I repeat, DON’T DO IT!!!
It does sorta sound like The Bee has a newsroom full of Laz clones. You haven’t been careless with the ol’ DNA again, now, have you?
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