Posted on 08/07/2019 12:11:17 PM PDT by EdnaMode
After morphing Timon and Pumbaa into terrifying hellbeasts for the new Lion King and turning Genie into a blue Will Smith-ian monstrosity for 2019's Aladdin, Disney is continuing its unceasing, ruthless quest to ruin our childhood memories with yet another attack: Those monsters are going to remake Home Alone.
According to CNN, Disney's CEO Bob Iger announced this affront against common decency on Tuesday, telling investors in an email that the company would be raising Home Alone from the dead for its new streaming service, Disney+. There's no word on who might star, or what the "reimagining" will look like, but none of that matters—Home Alone doesn't need to be remade, because Home Alone is perfect.
The 1990 original is immaculate, start to finish—one of the only Christmas movies you can watch a thousand times and never get sick of. The party scene, when Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) yanks on an elaborate set of strings to puppeteer a faux rager in his house, all to the tune of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree": flawless. The bumbling, slapstick antics of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern as the Wet Bandits, who manage to strike just the right balance of deeply goofy and seriously threatening: stupendous. That old guy with the shovel who allegedly murdered his family: legitimately terrifying.
How the hell could anyone even try to improve on all that? You can't beat Culkin as Kevin; just remember the failure that was Home Alone 3. You're never going to top that score by John Williams. No mother could be as infuriating and pitiable as Catherine O'Hara was. This list could go on forever, but the point is this: No one could take a movie as golden, as endlessly rewatchable, as toweringly fun and pure and wholesome as Home Alone, and make it better.
But Disney is going to try anyway, because there is money to be made—and because there is money to be made, the company couldn't care less that people will almost undoubtedly hate this thing. Merry Christmas, you filthy, filthy animals. Cheers to tarnishing yet another indelible piece of our childhoods.
“And Trump was in the original Home alone”
BINGO.
Have you watched the original lately?
It really doesn’t hold up all that well....
Who are gay and have a tryst while invading the house.
Perfect? Home alone was one of the most ridiculous movies I ever tried to sit through. I couldn’t believe when it became a big success. It made me ponder what simpletons people have become.
“...the remake will star a black girl as the new ‘Kevin’”
Nah...it’s be a little black tranny boy “transitioning” to become a girl. Count on it.
And you can bet the Kevin character won’t be attacking the bad guys with a hot iron or BB gun. Maybe in the remake the bad guys will get sprayed with whipped cream. My kids loved Home Alone (so did I). When I was a kid, I loved The Swiss Family Robinson. Both are examples of kids taking on adult bad guys and coming out on top.
Nope. Both Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation tower over this... thing.
I think we all understand this is how properties work, etc. I think people are just saying, they wonder how a remake of this movie would be an improvement. People are just expressing opinions.
And I think some good points have been made. For example, the original movie was a traditional family, with the married mom and dad and children. The way Hollywood is nowadays, we expect Hollywood will tweak the cast, with divorced, or homosexual parents/relatives being featured.
The original family was white. I suspect Hollywood might change the ethnicity of the family as well.
“More proof Hollywood has run out of ideas!”
Or just intelligence at all replaced by income. Disney now is known as the greediese place on earth.
rwood
Her name will be LaKeVine, of course.
It wasn’t that good.
She’ll be saved by a single mom family of illegals who were persecuted by ICE during the movie and mom is helped by trans road show choir.
I love a happy ending...
How do you fall off a plaza?
The amount of wailing and nashing shows really don’t understand how properties work. People have this amber like need to see their favorite movies worshiped but never touched, forgetting that as far as Hollywood is concerned their products. You always see the folks complaining “they ruined my childhood”. But they didn’t. Like Roger Zelazny said (and Stephen King copied) about the awful movie they made from Damnation Alley: the book is fine, right there on my shelf untouched. No matter if the Home Alone remake is good or bad, the original will still exist. And will probably get a new 4K release to cash in on renewed interest.
I think people are making a lot of assumptions. And of course none of them really have any bearing on it. Does it really matter what the structure of the family that forgot their kid is? No. The story is he got accidentally abandoned, and defended the home against thieves with comedic Rube Goldbergs (many of which were stolen from Nightmare on Elm Street). White kid, black kid, married parents divorced. Doesn’t matter.
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