New York Times To Run All Facts By Angry, Pitchfork-Wielding Mob Before Going To Print

The Babylon Bee ^ | August 7, 2019 | Staff

[Norski]

NEW YORK, NY—In an effort to improve the newspaper's ability to communicate the truths that its readers want to hear, The New York Times announced Tuesday its new fact-checking process: running all facts and headlines by an angry mob of liberal protesters before going to print.

Every fact and headline will be meticulously checked by a group of angry leftists before it's approved for publication.

"The Times has become known for bringing you all the news that's fit to print as long as it doesn't challenge a leftist worldview in any way," said New York Times executive editor Dean Baquet. "That's why we're taking this next step, to make sure ideas, facts, and details that might fly in the face of your preconceived, liberal notions about the way the world works are all left on the cutting room floor."

Times editors will hold a copy of the paper up in front of the review team, which consists of 300 angry, unemployed liberal arts college grads. If the review team screams and begins throwing feces around, the headlines will be deemed problematic and will be sent back to Times writers for another pass. Should the review team say the paper is "stunning and brave" and applaud using jazz hands, the headlines and facts will go to print as written.

"Everything's up for review here: opinions, framing, headlines, and the truth," Baquet said. "It's our mission as journalists to make sure you only see ideas you already agree with, and we'll stand by that purpose statement."

[Norski]

"NYT reviewers = Feces-throwing monkeys".

Bullseye.

[Lurker]

Satire is becoming more and more difficult these days.

L

[Norski]

Yes, unfortunately. This posting should probably have been put into News/Activism, and not labeled as humor.

[metmom]

The Babylon Bee is fantastic this week.

LOTS of good satire.

It’s worth perusing their site and reading.

[Alberta's Child]

Let’s give the NYT some credit here. They’re making a prudent business decision, because I’ll bet 99% of the people who would object to their cowardice and their blatant propagandizing don’t read the NYT anyway.

[LIConFem]

"Satire is becoming more and more difficult these days."

Indeed. Have you seen clips from the recent Democratic Socialists of America meeting? If not, go to youtube and watch some of the videos. Satirizing that freak show would be redundant.

[GOP Congress]

I remember reading about the Bee’s satire about the Democrat Socialist convention. They reported how one idiot was triggered by pronouns by the speaker on the podium, and how he said “Hey, guys.” Then the Bee reported how the crowd was triggered because of his use of the word “guys” as it mis-gendered the entire audience.

...oh wait. The Bee didn’t write that, because it WASN’T satire. My bad.

[gibsonguy]

So what you’re saying t’s just good business to be a whore for the Rats because it’s what their readers want. I guess it’s just naive to expect a shred of journalistic integrity from “the paper of record”.

[Thommas]

"The Times has become known for bringing you all the news that's fit to print as long as it doesn't challenge a leftist worldview in any way,"

I don't see this as satire..

[chuckee]

That is before they run it by Carlos Slim ,Mexico’s richest man who owns a wealth of industry in Mexico as well as 17% of the New York Times. Ever think why the NYT has never published a critical news story about Mexico or any story critical of illegal immigration from that country? Carlos depends on the money sent back from the US to Mexico to feed his empire

[Norski]

Agreed. Thank you.