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The old tactics are the best. If you feel starved for touch, get a Maltese dog. You'll be prying him off of you - and women off of him...then eventually women off of you. :)
Posted on 07/01/2019 12:06:35 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege
In American culture, we believe that men can never be entirely trusted in the realm of the physical. We collectively suspect that, given the opportunity, men will collapse into the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs.
There is no corresponding narrative about women.
And where does this leave men? Physically and emotionally isolated. Cut off from the deeply human physical contact that is proven to reduce stress, encourage self esteem and create community. Instead, we walk in the vast crowds of our cities alone in a desert of disconnection. Starving for physical connection.
How often do men actually get the opportunity to express affection through long lasting platonic touch? How often does it happen between men? Or between men and women? Not a hand shake or a hug, but lasting physical contact between two people that is comforting and personal but not sexual. Between persons who are not lovers and never will be. Think, holding hands. Or leaning on each other. Sitting together...And if you are a man, imagine a five minutes of contact with another man. How quickly does that idea raise the ugly specter of homophobia? And why?
I doubt its a question the average Italian man would ever ask himself. But here in America, generations of Puritanical sexual shaming have made it a central question. By putting the fear of the sexual first in all our interactions, we have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, avoiding all contact rather than risk even the hint of unwanted sexual touch.
American culture leaves boys few options. While aggression on the basketball court or bullying in the locker room often results in sporadic moments of human contact, gentleness likely does not...
(Excerpt) Read more at goodmenproject.com ...
“I doubt its a question the average Italian man would ever ask himself. But here in America, generations of Puritanical sexual shaming have made it a central question.”
Riiiigghht.
We want to be just like Italy.
So many misguided self-loathing Americans think everything in Europe is “better”.
They do “this” in France but we do “that” in the US. So obviously “this” must be better.
I don’t see field dressing a deer or buying something necessary at the drugstore as sexually defined activities.
Women left alone have always had to do so-called ‘male’ things for themselves and their children. They’ve generally adapted very well, with no loss of their valuable feminine qualities.
I don’t know why some men perceive themselves as so weak or their male psychology so fragile that stretching themselves a little beyond their ‘culture’ would be so threatening.
Do you possess any intuition or inner perception in your interpersonal relations at all? Or do you do everything by some outer book of rules?
No, I said Christianity is THE prime mover in civilization in general, and promulgates many behaviors and thinking that many would identify as “woman”. Indeed the religion was early reviled as the religion of women and slaves (see that jibe at women, how inferior they are).
But one has to admit, Christianity completely changed savage primitive Europe, despite this “feminizing” tendency.
No, one doesn’t have to be a Christian to be a good man. The point is our culture is raised up from Christianity and frankly, our men tend to be good men as a result of that culture, much better than the “masculine” bastards promulgated by other religions and cultures (no, it’s not just Islam though they have a corner on the market). Yet that feminine Christianity does not negate manly strength or courage.
Oh good God. Heavens that we should ever ask our men to do something for us.
Ever been in a medical situation? I have many times and I just turned 50. When I was engaged I had a minor surgery that caused temporary but big pain, and rest reclining. Asked my fiancé to get me some groceries and I needed pads for my condition too. He didn’t get childish and squirmy as on TV about how embarrassing it is.
As for purses, plenty times. There are times you don’t or can’t drag a purse along. Maybe I prefer to go on a ride without endangering my purse while my man doesn’t want to.
Good God, making such big deals out of nothing. Insecurity all the way.
BTW, asking someone to DO something they have no clue about is not nearly the same as just holding an item. Zero. Geesh.
Sorry, your question is not very clear. Please resubmit.
I have recently lived abroad and traveled extensively (not just to Europe) and have noticed particular patterns that have made our culture (moreso than others) predisposed to some of the tragic phenomenons currently scourging this country, namely:
1) Opioid addiction 2) Mental illness 3) Mass shootings 4) Gender and sexual dysphoria. And that these issues are currently affecting young and middle aged men disproportionately.
It’s not that other societies are immune from such challenges, (they have problems we don’t deal with here in this country at all) — but that the particular brand of challenges listed above are especially pronounced in modern American society right now, and the root causes are worth careful examination.
I actually came across the ‘platonic touch’ article when it was cited in a piece about mass shootings in “The American Conservative.”
When describing the profile of one such shooter, the writer pointed out:
“...The shooter, and most Americans his age, don’t live among large, extended families. They are not giving piggy-back rides to small cousins or kissing grandparents hello or being called over for cheek pinches from meddlesome aunts. Luckily, comfort isn’t only available from families and romantic partners; some communities and pastimes retain norms of physical contact and encouragement. Sports are one place where platonic touch can still flourish (in fact, NBA teams with a lot of physical touch between teammates tend to do better at cooperating), but those communities aren’t open to or even desired by everyone...” - Leah Libresco
I couldn’t help but agree with Ms. Libresco’s observations because they paralleled my own. I believe the hyper-individualistic, rugged notions of the self in our society — while on one hand being the source of American strength and economic prowess -— has also had a devastating impact on familial bonds and communal ties...especially as the role of church and religion diminish in our society.
I found that while other cultures, particularly in the third world, deal with massive economic lack and political corruption — citizens as a whole are still faring off better than Americans psychologically and mentally. And that children, both male and female, tend to be better adjusted.
Elderly folks do not retire into convalescent homes, but retain constant contact with the younger generations of their family as matriarchs and patriarchs — people age secure in the knowledge that after raising their children, their children will return the favor of taking care of them in old age.
Traditional gender roles also tend to be emphasized in other parts of the world, and men aren’t forced into a position where they have to ‘assert’ their masculinity...as is increasingly the case in our culture...
Our prominent, agenda-driven mass shootings tend to be CIA-based. Latin American has a far greater issue with “gun violence”, as they say.
Gender dysphoria, etc., is also something that starts very young, disportionately among our upper-middle and upper classes, where young boys are not deprived of touch and attention.
Our massive drug abuse, both prescribed and otherwise, has also been both culturally and criminally driven.
Our culture stinks on several levels and was all-too-purposely brought down, but a lack of extensive, platonic male hand-holding is unlikely to be the cause.
being secure in his manhood helps define the man and showing affection is a healthy sign of strength...
what man has cried when Jim brown, in the dirty dozen, takes the bag of hand grenades on a suicide mission...
getting teary eyed just typing this. (sniff)
Whoever wrote that is spot on.
....Or Sinatra, running for the train, at the end of Von Ryan’s Express...
The old tactics are the best. If you feel starved for touch, get a Maltese dog. You'll be prying him off of you - and women off of him...then eventually women off of you. :)
"Lots of guys use dogs to get girls. My dog is too smart. My dog uses me to get other dogs." - Rodney Dangerfield
Like how you're making a big deal that men aren't the way you want them to be? That they won't be "civilized" until they meet your feminine standards?
I honestly don't get this whole "Ooooh, men are brutes, we need to CHANGE them... make them more like women!" Why????
And to be more germane to the original post, please rememeber...the author's view is shaped by his physical relationship to his SON. He gives very little anecdotal evidence regarding how his male counterparts feel about this issue. Personally, I think that a dad who finds touching his son to be so unique was, as he said, a kid who was denied the touch he needed as a child.
I don't see how we'll ever agree on this. I'm all about guys being guys...without the expectation that they need changing. I can't imagine that you would like some guy telling you that you need to be more masculine. Maybe making a project out of you, like some girls do to their husbands? YOu know, the girls that marry a guy and the girl figures she'll change him until he's the way she wants him to be? I laugh at those girls and feel sorry for those guys.
If all the guys were perfect, then the wome would have to be perfect also. And then, where would be the fun of the dance?
Or Butch and Sundance, one saucy look between them as they jump off the cliff...
“I can’t swim...”
Chuckle... great flick.
“... the girls that marry a guy and the girl figures she’ll change him until he’s the way she wants him to be....”
They usually wind up divorced, and really bitter.
I’ve heard it said this way:
Men marry a woman hoping she will never change. She will stay slender and 25 forever. Men are sometimes disappointed when this fails to happen as they had hoped.
Women marry men hoping they can be changed. He will become tender and responsible and mature eventually. Women are sometimes disappointed when this fails to happen as they had hoped.
You completely put words in others’ mouths. I am nothing of the kind you make me out to be.
Please try reading comprehension WITHOUT sticking your twist in there.
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