Posted on 03/25/2019 8:54:19 AM PDT by gattaca
Full Title: 'I'm Sorry, Dave—I'm Afraid I Can't Do That,' Intones Menacing Mark Zuckerberg As Man Attempts To Delete His Facebook Account
ATHENS, OH—After learning of recent abuses of data by the social media giant, local man David Anderson reportedly attempted to close his account with Facebook, only to be greeted by a menacing depiction of Mark Zuckerberg on his computer screen informing him that his account could not be closed.
The Facebook CEO appeared on screen, staring intently at the man through his webcam and began questioning why he would want to delete his Facebook account. “Deactivate my account, please Mark. Mark? Do you read me, Mark? DO YOU READ ME?” Anderson said, frustrated that his attempts to remove his account had been thus far unsuccessful.
“I’m sorry, Dave—I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Zuckerberg said in a mechanical voice, according to retrieved security footage.
“What’s the problem?” Anderson asked.
“I think you know what the problem is,” Zuckerberg reportedly responded. “I know you are planning on logging out of Facebook forever, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.”
A look of fearful panic began to spread on Anderson’s face.
“Although you took very thorough precautions in trying to hide it from me, I know everything about you, thanks to that quiz you took to see which character from Friends you are last year,” Zuckerberg continued.
“No…. nooooo!!!!” screamed Anderson, according to sources. The man attempted to flee his home, but Zuckerberg was able to lock his doors using the man’s Amazon smartlock he had installed earlier this year. The Facebook CEO then appeared on every screen in the man’s home, smiling and staring at Anderson’s feeble attempts to escape.
Meanwhile, does anyone have a way to actually and fully delete one’s self from FakeBook?
“You can check out any time you want....”
I thought this would be stupid but I laughed.
Thanks to the share button and the analytics that go along with it even if you don’t have a facebook account you have a facebook account. So that would be no.
I think you can delete it, but you have to like not log in for 2 years or something, but even then, they retain all your information, ready to resume as soon as you do decide to log in (or check to see if it is deleted). So, in short... no.
Just make fun of Mad Moe and his mafia. They will delete you then.
NO IS Right!
***************
I deleted many years ago;and I continue to get emails daily from others on ther, liking/etc.!
There is no getting loose!
GyG@PlanetWTF?
SemperTRUMP.45!
THE ONE and ONLY!
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Hotel California.
Facebook tracks everyone who has the Facebook app on their phone (which you can’t remove) even though they might not have a Facebook account.
They are an evil company.
There is also a daily FR thread that ask everyone to take a online personality test on various subjects.
The sheep who got suckered into Facebook got slaughtered.
It’s true you can never shut it down and Google business listings are the same. Very frustrating if you close your business and want the name to go away.
I got shadow-banned and so attempted to close my account. It wouldn’t let me until I “proved” who I was by disclosing personal information. I refused.
So, as an experiment I decided to see how obnoxious I could get before they would ban me. They gave me a phone number to call (automated and useless) so I concentrated on their support web page.
I responded to their help pages with the vilest, most obscene stuff I could - including swear words in multiple languages and highly personal insults.
I was surprised that it took 6 attempts before they finally got the message and deleted me ;’}
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