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Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human (Satire)
Babylon Bee ^ | 1 Mar 19 | Steve Kellam

Posted on 03/02/2019 11:31:22 AM PST by xzins

STAMFORD, CT—The pro wrestling world was rocked last week when a new challenger arrived on the WWE circuit weighing in at 890 pounds, possessing 10-inch claws, and the strength to crush bones into gelatin. “He calls himself ‘the Grizzly’ and he is unlike any other wrestler anyone in the WWE has ever come up against,” said wrestler Seth Rollins from his hospital bed after a brief run-in with the massive opponent. What makes the Grizzly so unique? He is a trans-grizzly bear; the man recently decided to identify as human after being born an Alaskan grizzly bear. Along with his new identity, he has embraced his dream of becoming a champion human pro wrestler.

“The Grizzly has stated that his preferred pronouns are he/him/human and so we are going to respect that,” said A.J. Styles, wincing in pain as doctors attempted to realign his spine — another victim of the Grizzly’s punishment.

The Grizzly has torn apart his competition, sometimes literally. There are few remaining wrestlers left who are even willing to attempt a match against him. “He’ll be our star wrestler by, oh I’d say around seven thirty tonight when he gets the championship belt,” said WWE owner Vince McMahon.

“It’s really inspiring to see someone embrace their true self and find victory, not only in the sport they love, but over their own issues with identity,” said wrestler Randy Orton just before going in to have both of his shattered legs amputated. “Good on him.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; bars; bears; grizzly; homosexualagenda; notnews; satire; sports; transhuman
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To: xzins

In a later development, attempts to disqualify The Grizzly failed, as a federal judge ruled that any action against him would violate the Americans with Disabilities Act. The Grizzy’s lawyers argued successfuly that their client was born with a tragic genetic defect which produced the physical characteristics of a grizzly bear.


21 posted on 03/02/2019 1:39:17 PM PST by Chaguito
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To: ak267
Can it take on a man-bear-pig????

Only during the Olympics.

22 posted on 03/02/2019 1:41:01 PM PST by Slyfox (Not my circus, not my monkeys)
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To: xzins

Well, hell, why not?


23 posted on 03/02/2019 2:13:11 PM PST by doorgunner69
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To: Ol' Dan Tucker

This is hilarious


24 posted on 03/02/2019 2:54:59 PM PST by antidemoncrat
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To: xzins

Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human

___________________________________________________

Ok, that’s pretty good.


25 posted on 03/02/2019 4:15:34 PM PST by Bishop_Malachi (Liberal Socialism - A philosophy which advocates spreading a low standard of living equally.)
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To: Bishop_Malachi

Hey I seen a commercial for salmon and a little guy in a rain suit kicked a grizzly bears ass/balls.


26 posted on 03/03/2019 12:45:25 AM PST by Equine1952 (Get yourself a ticket on a common mans train of thought)
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