Posted on 02/18/2019 4:18:41 PM PST by Sub-Driver
Nation's Liberals Devastated After Learning Hate Crime Didn't Actually Happen
February 18th, 2019
U.S.—The nation’s liberals were struck by a devastating blow this week after finding out a hate crime, reported by Empire actor Jussie Smollet, didn’t actually happen.
“I needed this to be true,” said liberal columnist Hanna Spalding. “When I first heard the news of this attack, I was filled with so much hope. I felt so validated. Then that was taken away. Now I just want to cry into my pillow.”
The attack had been called “a modern-day lynching” by democratic presidential candidate Cory Booker but after Chicago police reported that the “trajectory of the investigation” into Smollet’s story had shifted, Smollet was stripped of his victim status. Booker became irate, phoning the Chicago police chief and shouting repeatedly, “Check it again! CHECK IT AGAIN!”
After some deep breathing exercises, Booker spoke with reporters. “How are we supposed to intentionally turn the nation against each other and exploit these divisions for political power if people won’t commit a simple hate crime once in a while?”
Candlelight vigils are being arranged in liberal cities across the country as millions mourn the loss of one of the most potentially divisive crimes in the last decade. “There was so much promise there. Now there’s just emptiness,” said one mourner in Berkley, CA.
“While Smollet’s attack may have been a hoax, our emotions have undergone a modern-day lynching,” said activist Andrea Jones at a vigil in Chicago. “If you think about it, this is even worse than if the crime had actually happened. A lot of people put a lot of hope into Smollet’s story. Our expectations have been violently assaulted. Yesterday we thought one man had been attacked. Today, our narrative is the one in a hospital bed, sucking Jell-O through a straw and fighting for its life.”
It smelled like BS from the start. I mean what kind of famous person is dumb enough to walk outside in Chicago in -20 degree weather at 2am? Not only that, it’s absurd for someone to stake out waiting for some Joe to come out in such cold weather too. Bleach freezes in minutes at that temperature.
This is true.
Babylon Bee usually does satires.
They’re focusing on different motivations for his actions but his only motivation is racism.
Stop crying in your pillow “liberal columnist Hanna Spalding” and pay a few million dollars to those you “Lynched by being a low life scum reporter”.
what kind of famous person is dumb enough to walk outside in Chicago in -20 degree weather at 2am
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The stupid kind.
Van Jones and Don Lemon should combine their IQs and learn not to do that.
As
What kind of a fool would vote for Obama and then do it again 4 years later?
Answer: First class.
America Needs Fatima!
The left needs hate to stay in power.
“They’re focusing on different motivations for his actions but his only motivation is racism.”
They are looking at different motivations because they too are anti white racists.
Our condolences.
The Babylon Bee is of course, a satire site... But it does appear, as someone said, that the demand for White on Black racism far exceeds the supply.
There is abundant supply of same.
OK, they had me until I got to this line and then recognized the style.
Babylon Bee strikes again.
When I first heard the news of this attack, I was filled with so much hope. I felt so validated. Then that was taken away. Now I just want to cry into my pillow.”
Twisted.
Sorry, satire but true.
I thought the babylon bee was a satire sight? what happened here?
A smear of President Donald J. Trump and those of us who support him.
Despicable.
But yes, some say Smollett is a crazy guy and I’m not going to disagree with those assertions.
This is satire that unfortunately is true. The left simply wanted this to be true desperately as a powder keg. They will stop at nothing to go after President Trump for 2020.
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