Posted on 10/21/2018 7:44:23 AM PDT by sodpoodle
So many things we can no longer joke about - but still can make fun of Lawyers (and Blondes?).....
Lawyers! And if you think lawyers don't have hearts, read the best lawyer story of all time...bar none!
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way worker paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The United Way guy opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?'
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh...no, I didn't know that.'
'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you…?'
As a lawyer I can say it’s the grain of truth in these jokes that make them so funny.
You’re hired;)
A. Four. All the rest are true stories.
Always, always a fun read.
Did I mention “always”?
As a lawyer I give a lot to charities but United Way is not one of those.
Do you know what happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller.
;)
“As a lawyer I give a lot to charities but United Way is not one of those.”
Me too...NRA, 2nd Amendment Foundation, CCRKBA, various animal rescues, VFW, DAV etc.
Obviously NOT a Freerepublic Attorney!
ok, one more
A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor and clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.
A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.
By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.
The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman’s sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.
By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. “I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.”
The new law firm Dewey, Do'em, Screw-em, Cheetam, Righteously and Howe. My Lawyer(s) Erving Pinkus Abroughawits, & Jonathan Pinchy Worthlessthanpiss, of the law firm, Dewey, Do’em, Screw’em, Cheetam, Righteously & Howe, hasn't won a case in over 25 year's. But, their still trying.
Tel. No.#: Domi est cum biscum - Et cum- (22250,) and if the pope answer's just say Hi.
A play on some Latin words from: "The Order of Mass." (The Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite) or more commonly known as a Latin Catholic Mass.
I love your joke, or is it more real {NON-Fiction} then fiction.
As he walked along the street, he passed a sewer grate, and a rat jumped out and began following him. He walked faster, and faster, but every time he passed an alley, sewer, or garbage can more rats would jump out and follow him. Soon he was running, with dozens of rats right behind. Frightened, he ran out on a nearby causeway, and in the middle he threw the brass rat over the edge. The rats jumped over as well, and drowned in the ocean.
The man ran back to the store, and went inside, breathless. The owner looked at him and said: "I knew you'd be back for the rest of the story."
"He!! no!", he replied, "I want to buy a brass lawyer!"
A magazine (American Spectator??) - had on their page listing all sorts of things like address, etc - included their legal team... (straight out of Thomas Hobbes ‘Leviathan’ ) - Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish and Short.
Those Two Are FUNNY right there!
And then there’s the old one - what do you call one hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? - a good beginning......
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