[sodpoodle]

Remember -Hillary Clinton was a phony blond and a dumb lawyer!!!!

[Spok]

As a lawyer I can say it’s the grain of truth in these jokes that make them so funny.

[FatherofFive]

Q. How many attorney jokes are there?

A. Four. All the rest are true stories.

[moovova]

Always, always a fun read.

Did I mention “always”?

[caseinpoint]

As a lawyer I give a lot to charities but United Way is not one of those.

[MV=PY]

Do you know what happens when you give a lawyer Viagra?

He gets taller.

;)

[Pete from Shawnee Mission]

Obviously NOT a Freerepublic Attorney!

[stylin19a]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him where it is again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

[stylin19a]

ok, one more

A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor and clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.

A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.

By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.

The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman’s sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.

By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. “I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.”

[Stanwood_Dave]

My I suggest to those who may need / want a lawyer:

The new law firm Dewey, Do'em, Screw-em, Cheetam, Righteously and Howe. My Lawyer(s) Erving Pinkus Abroughawits, & Jonathan Pinchy Worthlessthanpiss, of the law firm, Dewey, Do’em, Screw’em, Cheetam, Righteously & Howe, hasn't won a case in over 25 year's. But, their still trying.

Tel. No.#: Domi est cum biscum - Et cum- (22250,) and if the pope answer's just say Hi.

A play on some Latin words from: "The Order of Mass." (The Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite) or more commonly known as a Latin Catholic Mass.

[norwaypinesavage]

A man was vacationing in the Florida Keys, and stopped at one of the many shops along the street. Tucked back in a corner he spotted a full sized brass sculpture of a rat, with a $15 price tag. He realized that the scrap value of the brass, alone, was worth more than $15, so he picked it up and walked to the owner. "Sure, it's only $15, but it will cost you $350 more for the story behind it", the owner said. The man, thinking only of the scrap value, just paid the $15 and left.

As he walked along the street, he passed a sewer grate, and a rat jumped out and began following him. He walked faster, and faster, but every time he passed an alley, sewer, or garbage can more rats would jump out and follow him. Soon he was running, with dozens of rats right behind. Frightened, he ran out on a nearby causeway, and in the middle he threw the brass rat over the edge. The rats jumped over as well, and drowned in the ocean.

The man ran back to the store, and went inside, breathless. The owner looked at him and said: "I knew you'd be back for the rest of the story."

"He!! no!", he replied, "I want to buy a brass lawyer!"