Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

We need to talk about sexual assault in marriage
vox.com ^ | Mar 8, 2018 | Anonymous

Posted on 03/09/2018 4:08:27 PM PST by Pollster1

Eight years into our marriage, sitting in a therapist’s office with my husband, I mustered all my courage and said my deepest, darkest truth: “When we have sex, I feel like I’m being violated.” The unwanted sex at times made me sick: Once I had to run straight from bed to the bathroom, where I retched into the toilet. I spared him and the therapist that detail.

My husband shrugged and, staring ahead with more indifference than disdain, replied, “She’s always so melodramatic.”

. . .

I acquiesced. At the time, it didn’t feel like a choice; it felt inevitable. I lived every evening dreading the signals of my husband’s desire. I bargained my way out of sex as often as I could. I gloried in being sick enough to have the right to refuse.

On the nights when I couldn’t get out of it, we used a method that I had taught myself to tolerate and that he, astoundingly, tolerated as well: I read a book to distract myself for as long as I could while he did the thing he needed to do. I did not let him kiss me for the last several years of our marriage. That was the rule . . . and I don’t have to pretend to like it. This satisfied him.

. . .

I am a humanities professor who teaches feminist theory, models feminist behavior for my students and my own children, and has achieved success in a male-dominated field. Last year, my teenage son and I chanted in support of women’s reproductive rights at the Women’s March in Washington . . .

(Excerpt) Read more at vox.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: marriage; metoo
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-8081-86 next last
To: eastexsteve

“Rich old man, she won’t have to worry”


41 posted on 03/09/2018 4:51:46 PM PST by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's fore sure)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Raycpa
She is not well. Probably abuse as a child led to mental illness. Husband probably tried to keep better/worse vow.

You, Sir, are dead on target. Either her father or a very close relative raped her when she was quite young.

42 posted on 03/09/2018 4:52:47 PM PST by OldMissileer (Atlas, Titan, Minuteman, PK. Winners of the Cold War)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: NutsOnYew

I answer that line with all sex is actually prostitution. You always pay for it one way or another.

But I really don’t need to go there.


43 posted on 03/09/2018 4:53:37 PM PST by moonhawk (My Basket of Deplorable is Irredeemably mired in the Swamp of Crazy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Bonemaker
She's on the upper left...


44 posted on 03/09/2018 4:55:23 PM PST by EEGator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: JoSixChip

Wait was she reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy? That would be messed up!


45 posted on 03/09/2018 4:57:03 PM PST by Boardwalk
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1

Maybe he needs her income since she’s a professor and all...

If I was married to this woman, I would begin serious discussions over what brings her to climax and see if I could get her to welcome sexual intimacy again with an eye toward what would please her. Then, work out a quid pro quo - time for her followed by time for him so as to save the marriage.

If she’s unagreeable, I’d seek permission to cheat and if she refused, then I’d divorce.


46 posted on 03/09/2018 5:02:36 PM PST by OrangeHoof (Donald Trump: Doing the work American politicians just won't do.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1

We need to talk about selfish shrews who look upon men as wallets with legs.


47 posted on 03/09/2018 5:04:01 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum (<img src="http://i.imgur.com/WukZwJP.gif" width=800>)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: All

pttt


48 posted on 03/09/2018 5:18:25 PM PST by patriot08 ( Check out my Texas page! (in my bio))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 47 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1; Secret Agent Man

She obviously has a high enough status that her man’s presumably lower status repulses her. Women (usually) marry up. Female hypergamy is real.

I’m not discounting whatever warped, feminist ideas inhabit that brain of hers, however.

The dude undoubtedly picked her because she was reasonably attractive.


49 posted on 03/09/2018 5:19:18 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The US Constitution ....... Invented by geniuses and God .... Administered by morons ......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1
How could my husband listen to me say what I said — even once, even timidly — and sleep well that night, much less continue to insist on sleeping with me? [...] Leaving a marriage is much harder than calling an Uber. It requires breaking up a family, and deciding that avoiding unwanted sex is worth giving up half the time you would have spent with your kids. It means financial turmoil from which you might never fully recover. If you have kids, it may mean incurring the wrath of the person with whom you will be required to co-parent for decades, and so it also may mean losing his family, whom you love but who will no longer love you because you have hurt their darling boy. How do you assert your agency when its price is the pain of others?

She answers her own question and doesn't even know it.

50 posted on 03/09/2018 5:19:19 PM PST by NobleFree ("law is often but the tyrant's will, and always so when it violates the right of an individual")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Yup. Avoid it all.

You can love them or you can understand them. Pick one, you cant have both.


51 posted on 03/09/2018 5:21:01 PM PST by Secret Agent Man ( Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 49 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1
I am a humanities professor who teaches feminist theory, models feminist behavior for my students and my own children, and has achieved success in a male-dominated field.

1) I find abhorrent this practice of referring to oneself in the third person.

2) Since when, exactly, is the teaching of "feminist theory" a "male-dominated field"? I'm calling bullshit on that one.

Last year, my teenage son and I chanted in support of women’s reproductive rights at the Women’s March in Washington . . .

That, FRiends and neighbors, is child abuse.

52 posted on 03/09/2018 5:33:39 PM PST by NorthMountain (... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1

When they got married, two fools met: her for having to ENDURE something she hates, him for being satisfied with it.

Get a divorce!


53 posted on 03/09/2018 5:43:27 PM PST by Old Grumpy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Women (usually) marry up. Female hypergamy is real.


Yep. You’ll never see a female doctor married to a garbage truck driver.


54 posted on 03/09/2018 5:47:21 PM PST by lodi90
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 49 | View Replies]

To: OldMissileer

If I was about to have sex with a woman, and she was acting like it was being forced upon her, I simply could not get it up. My member would know better than I which way was up, were I to be addle-brained at the time.


55 posted on 03/09/2018 5:48:42 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The US Constitution ....... Invented by geniuses and God .... Administered by morons ......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 40 | View Replies]

To: EEGator

(0,10), obviously.


56 posted on 03/09/2018 5:49:30 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The US Constitution ....... Invented by geniuses and God .... Administered by morons ......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: Secret Agent Man
I suspect that you can both love and understand one, if and ONLY if both of you are Godly people.
57 posted on 03/09/2018 5:50:44 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (The US Constitution ....... Invented by geniuses and God .... Administered by morons ......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 51 | View Replies]

To: Pollster1

What a bimbo...He ought to dump her...


58 posted on 03/09/2018 5:50:53 PM PST by Iscool
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I prefer Paul’s potent advice. Better not to take a wife.


59 posted on 03/09/2018 5:53:47 PM PST by Secret Agent Man ( Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 57 | View Replies]

To: Deaf Smith

“Rich old man, she won’t have to worry”

...There ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes


60 posted on 03/09/2018 5:54:04 PM PST by JohnnyP (Thinking is hard work (I stole that from Rush).)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 41 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-8081-86 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson