Posted on 03/04/2018 9:23:43 AM PST by Silentgypsy
HELL—The demonic forces of Satan proudly announced Thursday the debut of 13 new varieties of pineapple pizza, designed to torture millions of humans deceived into consuming the hellish abominations.
The exciting new spins on pineapple pizza were forged in the fires of the hottest portions of hell, and are designed to cause the greatest pain and suffering on earth as possible.
“We expect the new Krazy Pineapple Kale pizza to be especially nefarious,” one high-ranking demonic official said in a board meeting unveiling the new assault on all things good and holy. “The pizzas shall masquerade as good and wholesome food, but in reality they shall be agents of His Darkness Lucifer. Hail Satan! Hail Satan!”
Other varieties the armies of Satan are preparing to foister upon unsuspecting humans worldwide include Deluxe Lutefisk Pineapple, Tropical Tuna Pineapple, and Pineapple Marshmallow Delight.
Hell’s distribution center reportedly began shipping Satan’s pizzas to select test markets this week.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
I’m sorry that you’ve been through bad experiences, but you really don’t seem broken now. I mean, I’ve seen other of your posts and have never seen any sort of maladjustment until this pizza thing. Then again, maybe it’s me. :(
I gotta admit—pineapple pizza makes broccoli pizza look good by comparison.
Until you retract that last line, we retract your invitation to our Penitential Pineapple Pizza Lunches for Lent.
If you leave the jalapeno seeds on it and add crushed red pepper, I dub thee Asbestosmouth.
Maybe if they lose the tomato sauce....
Oh, dear—another damaged being. And you always seemed so...normal.... (In a good way, of course.)
You have managed to make fun of individuals on many levels—kudos!
That sounds like a good sandwich!
See, that’s how you get taken in by the moral relativism thing.
Concur.
Yeah—they got me!
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