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Hell Introduces 13 New Varieties Of Pineapple Pizza
Babylon Bee ^
| 08/24/2017
| Unattributed
Posted on 03/04/2018 9:23:43 AM PST by Silentgypsy
HELL—The demonic forces of Satan proudly announced Thursday the debut of 13 new varieties of pineapple pizza, designed to torture millions of humans deceived into consuming the hellish abominations.
The exciting new spins on pineapple pizza were forged in the fires of the hottest portions of hell, and are designed to cause the greatest pain and suffering on earth as possible.
“We expect the new Krazy Pineapple Kale pizza to be especially nefarious,” one high-ranking demonic official said in a board meeting unveiling the new assault on all things good and holy. “The pizzas shall masquerade as good and wholesome food, but in reality they shall be agents of His Darkness Lucifer. Hail Satan! Hail Satan!”
Other varieties the armies of Satan are preparing to foister upon unsuspecting humans worldwide include Deluxe Lutefisk Pineapple, Tropical Tuna Pineapple, and Pineapple Marshmallow Delight.
Hell’s distribution center reportedly began shipping Satan’s pizzas to select test markets this week.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; hell; pineapple; pizza; satire
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To: Silentgypsy
2
posted on
03/04/2018 9:25:11 AM PST
by
rottndog
('Live Free Or Die' Ain't just words on a bumber sticker...or a tagline.)
To: Silentgypsy
To: Silentgypsy
Pineapple, kale, quinoa and acai berry pizza. Smug and evil.
4
posted on
03/04/2018 9:27:58 AM PST
by
KarlInOhio
(I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. My life is my own.)
To: Silentgypsy
Maybe I’m demon possessed. I like pineapple on SOME kinds of pizza.
Looks like I need to find an exorcist.
5
posted on
03/04/2018 9:28:53 AM PST
by
smokingfrog
( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
To: Silentgypsy
I know people who prefer pineapple pizza above all other varieties but it never did anything for me. I would rank it at the bottom of my list.
6
posted on
03/04/2018 9:31:41 AM PST
by
fso301
To: Silentgypsy
7
posted on
03/04/2018 9:32:05 AM PST
by
bigbob
(Trust Trump. Trust Sessions. The Great Awakening is at hand...MAGA!)
To: Silentgypsy
Canadian Bacon and Pineapple. Works for me. Papa Murphys. Or BGE at home.
8
posted on
03/04/2018 9:32:15 AM PST
by
donozark
(Restraining orders are just another way of saying I love you.)
To: Silentgypsy
Hawaiian pizza is mighty tasty.
9
posted on
03/04/2018 9:33:00 AM PST
by
BenLurkin
(The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
To: Silentgypsy
Pizza: Even when its bad, it is still pretty good....
10
posted on
03/04/2018 9:36:08 AM PST
by
waterhill
(I Shall Remain, in spite of __________.)
To: Silentgypsy
I’m an eggplant pizza kinda gal..
Sea Bright Pizza is the Best!
11
posted on
03/04/2018 9:37:34 AM PST
by
DivineMomentsOfTruth
("Thanking the Lord Jesus every day for President Donald J. Trump)
To: Silentgypsy
Has Snopes chimed in yet on the veracity of this BB article?
12
posted on
03/04/2018 9:38:26 AM PST
by
Andyman
(The truth shall make you FReep.)
To: Silentgypsy
Pineapple on roasted chicken or pork, yes, but not on my pizza. It becomes something other than pizza at that point.
More a confection.
To: Silentgypsy
‘Tis an abomination. Must be consigned to Gehenna.
14
posted on
03/04/2018 9:46:37 AM PST
by
j.havenfarm
( 1,000 Posts as of 8/11/17! Still not shutting up after all these years!)
To: Andyman
Not this one, but they’ll certainly consult their sources in h-— if they get wind of it.
15
posted on
03/04/2018 9:46:42 AM PST
by
Silentgypsy
( “If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.”__Scorpion)
To: Telepathic Intruder
Clams and anchovies are both acceptable pizza toppings, done right.
16
posted on
03/04/2018 9:46:58 AM PST
by
FreedomPoster
(Islam delenda est)
To: Telepathic Intruder
17
posted on
03/04/2018 9:47:20 AM PST
by
Silentgypsy
( “If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.”__Scorpion)
To: waterhill
Maybe pineappple marshmallow, not so much.
18
posted on
03/04/2018 9:48:32 AM PST
by
Silentgypsy
( “If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.”__Scorpion)
To: Silentgypsy
19
posted on
03/04/2018 9:48:48 AM PST
by
Hot Tabasco
(My cat is not fat, she is just big boned........)
To: Silentgypsy
Pineapple is great. Pizza is great. I don’t get putting the two together.
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