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I think the U.S. Olympic skaters feel like this.
And maybe men's hockey team.
Posted on 02/23/2018 9:45:26 AM PST by freebird5850
Any takers for some? Slow day here...
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad ‘ s farm , and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating”. The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate, not fascinating”. Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated”. The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate”. Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!” The teacher sat down and cried.
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I think the U.S. Olympic skaters feel like this.
And maybe men's hockey team.
“... he got out 3 times to pee”
Chemistry Question
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct – leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.
Three little ducks go into a bar......
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“Say, what’s your name?” the bartender asked the first duck.
“Huey,” was the reply.
“How’s your day been, Huey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey
“Oh. That’s nice,” said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, “Hi, and what’s your name?”
“Dewey,” came the answer from duck number two.
“So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?” he asked.
“Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?”
The bartender turned to the third duck and said,
“So, you must be Louie?”
“No,” she said batting her eyelashes,
“My name is Puddles.”
Venezuela is now offering a new currency called the “Petro.”
One Petro equals 10 pedros. 20 pedros equal one Cuban tortilla...
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
Her husband says, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much!”
Ba Dum Tsssssh!
Little Guido was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you? It will give you acne, rot your teeth and make you fat.”
Little Guido replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?”
Little Guido answered, “No, he minded his own f’ng business.”
Or, maybe I do, having been turned down for jobs before because my skills are a threat to the accepted mediocrity or the position of the guy doing the hiring?
A government worker dies and goes to he::
The inducting devil directs him down a hallway along which are rooms full of raw sewage in which the damned are standing on their toes trying to keep out of their mouths.
“Oh no,” he says. “Is this how I will spend eternity?”
The inducting devil checked his clipboard. “No, it says here you worked for government. Come this way.”
He is taken to a room where the damned are only waist deep is sewage. And were holding cups of coffee.
“This might not be too bad,” he thought.
But then the supervising devil came in and ordered, “Coffee break is over. Back to standing on your heads!”
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'dictate' in a sentence. Little Johnny said, "My girlfriend loves the way my dictate"
That’s ruefully funny.
Sometimes what is truly beautiful, innovative and correct is wrong for certain jobs. Sometimes all they want is a 4/4 beat with a few obligatory HighHats, and NOTHING MORE.
The client pays for what he thinks his customers want to hear. C’est la vie. I’ve seen the same thing with wall art or murals.
Why did the pretty girl ask the mushroom to dance? He was a fun-gi.
Outstanding!
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