Posted on 02/16/2018 11:04:16 AM PST by sodpoodle
Teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins.
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
"That's right Susie, you can go home."
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
"That's right Mary, you can go."
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
"That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
The teacher turns her back, Johnny yells in frustration, "I wish those dumb bitches would keep their f*%$#@ mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around and she is livid and yells: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!"
Johnny replies: "Harvey Weinstein. I'll see you tomorrow?"
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear.
Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the right track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
That joke about Johnny made me laugh a lot more than it should have. Thanks for the ice breaker!
Thanks,
The biker beat down / pearly gates joke has paid dividends in my life.
Ed
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LOL! I thought the answer was going to be Bill or Hillary Clinton.
Love ya Sod....Sac
This one?????
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?”, St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.
”On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the @#$% out of all of you!’ ”
St Peter was impressed, ”When did this happen? ”
”Couple of minutes ago. ”
That’s it!
An elderly fighter pilot recently became a widower and decides it is time to get back into the dating game. He’s in his late 70’s. He gets some new clothes, expensive aftershave and goes to a local bar. He sees a woman in her mid 60’s that is attractive. He sits down next to her and orders a scotch, looks over at her, smiles and says, “So, Do I come here often?”
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers. She asked them to close their eyes, and gave them the following colors.
The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green....................Lime
Orange...............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them with their eyes closed, none of the children could identify the taste.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
‘Oh my God!! Spit it out! They’re a**holes!’
Hahaha!
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question...
“Will I be acquitted?”
You are all bad - funny, but bad;)
bkmk
Lots of jokes featuring Nixon were updated to feature Bill Gates.
Isn’t that what we are here for, sodpoodle, to be BAD?
Maybe.
My participation is to dispense wisdom and encourage intellectual discourse.
LOL!!!
We done did engage in some of that there intellectual recourse...:)
LOL!
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