Posted on 04/11/2017 3:52:40 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards he local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
I’m busy trying to figure out whenever I order from Domino’s the pizza why their round pizzas get delivered in a square boxes....
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
Money talks ...but all mine ever says is goodbye.
You’re not fat, you’re just... easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments!
I apologize for the previous, poorly written, pizza post.
Besides, it was too cheesy.
Must be an algebra thing;)
You’re all right Sod. Well, you would be if you weren’t half left.
My pet pig fell and scraped his knee. I applied some oinkment.
Woman's dumb girldfriend: "Pound of what...?"
Did you hear about the Rabbi who did not accept payment for performing circumcisions?
He just kept the tip.
Rumor has it that he had a wallet made of them. When he passes a pretty girl it turns into a suitcase.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“How do you know when you’re done?”
Must be an algebra thing;)
~~~~~~~~~
I failed algebra - I used the “pi are round” formula instead of “pi r square”.
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