A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
Money talks ...but all mine ever says is goodbye.
You’re not fat, you’re just... easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments!
Did you hear about the Rabbi who did not accept payment for performing circumcisions?
He just kept the tip.