[sodpoodle]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and elling like the passengers in his car.

[sodpoodle]

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

[LouieFisk]

I’m busy trying to figure out whenever I order from Domino’s the pizza why their round pizzas get delivered in a square boxes....

[Drawsing]

My pet pig fell and scraped his knee. I applied some oinkment.

[simpson96]

Woman, furious at her boyfriend's bad behavior: "That man beongs in a pound!"

Woman's dumb girldfriend: "Pound of what...?"

[bruin66]

“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“How do you know when you’re done?”