Posted on 01/25/2017 6:52:37 AM PST by pabianice
“I broke no laws. I merely took a chance with my heart,” is a quote from a 37-year-old man who asked a 16-year-old Starbucks barista on a date while she was at work. That’s just one example of the countless times that men have harassed women at their jobs. The most common forms of harassment are sexual or otherwise disturbing comments. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence for any young woman who works in a retail or service job, just as many of us do. Sometimes it’s an inappropriate comment; sometimes it’s physical. This behavior from customers seems inescapable, especially in a job where “the work environment privileges the customer and emphasizes customer satisfaction,” as Karen D. Hughes and Vela Tadic found in their study of sexual harassment of women by customers. There’s an expectation of deference and friendliness toward customers, many of whom interpret a smile and greeting as a sign of interest, when these behaviors are actually requirements of the job.
Let’s examine the restaurant industry. Restaurant Opportunities Centers United conducted surveys and focus groups of restaurant workers and found that 65 percent of women, compared to 39 percent of men, had experienced “sexual teasing, jokes, remarks, or questions” from customers. Women also experienced “pressure for dates” and “sexually suggestive looks or gestures” from customers at about twice the rate that men experienced them.
I’ve often wondered why some men act this way. Sometimes I’ve tried to explain it away by thinking that “he was just trying to be nice,” and I’ve even fallen into the trap of blaming myself for it.
One particular memory from a summer job stands out to me. After getting his ice cream, a man told me, “The counter is sticky.” I replied that I was sorry about that and would clean it up right away. He repeated himself, and I again said that I would clean it up. He reached over, grabbed both of my wrists and put my hands on the counter. I pulled my hands away immediately, shocked. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. He walked away, enjoying his ice cream.
With that customer, I wondered to myself afterward if I hadn’t been taking his complaint seriously enough and if he was just trying to get his point across clearly. But that wouldn’t justify his actions. It’s never okay to invade someone’s personal space like that. It doesn’t matter if that person is an employee and you’re a customer, you’re two people who should treat each other with respect.
Actions like this seem to result from a combination of sexism and taking the idea that “the customer is always right” to an extreme level. The men who act this way have a lack of respect for women and a lack of respect for anyone in a service job. Often, harassment can be a way to assert their power.
So how do we fix this problem? Some have said that women who are dealing with this problem should leave that job for a different one. When Donald Trump was asked what he would suggest his daughter, Ivanka, do if she were harassed at work, he replied “I would like to think she would find another career or another company if that were the case.” However, his proposed solution for this – like his proposed would not actually work. Harassment can be found anywhere.
What might actually work is teaching men to respect women. People who witness customers harassing employees should speak up and let the customer know that it’s unacceptable. The 37-year-old man mentioned previously was banned from that Starbucks, showing one possible solution for the most extreme cases.
While at work, people may have to apologize for things that aren’t actually their fault. “I’m sorry, we’re all out of that flavor,” or “I’m sorry, we’re closing soon.” But they should never have to apologize for the expectation that they will be treated with respect.
Jessica Primavera is a Collegian contributor and can be reached at jprimavera@umass.edu.
Harass?
All they do is constantly bitch bitch bitch about me getting paid more than they do
Sure. Essentially, anything a heterosexual male says or does, or doesn’t say or doesn’t do, in the presence of a real/imagined/self-identifying/ woman, is harassment, unless the male is someone in a position in which he can help women keep their “right” to abortion. (Bill Clinton.)
37 and 16 would not be a date probably considered a kidnapping.
OK, where can I harass them then?
37 and 16 would not be a date probably considered a kidnapping.
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I am sure he asked to see her ID for proof of age before asking her out. /s
Just another article proclaiming women are incapable of handling daily life.
And these same womyn complain that they can’t find a decent guy anywhere.
That certainly is the issue here. Simply asking an age appropriate female out on a date not so much. Heck, I met my wife at work and asked her out on a date while on the job.
Speaking of Slick Willie, complaining about counters being sticky in his office had a whole different meaning.
But, thank goodness, he “acted Presidential”.
>>Just another article proclaiming women are incapable of handling daily life.<<
The modern strong feminist needs to be protected from the world since a man might say something nice or (rarely) be attracted to her and ask her out.
If the million piggy march is any sign, they have few worries on that count.
What they don’t say is the fact that in general, Lesbians are even more predatory.
He was baiting probably the youngest one there. You say she looked 37?
IMO while working he could ask if she was going to college now?
Then she replies she might go to her high school prom in a year.
Minor chit chat before asking for a date in passing can keep you out of a lot of trouble.
OMG
This is ridiculous.
I had people ask me out from my work when I was in college.
The answer is to just say no (or yes if you want to).
If the person persists and won’t leave you alone then it is harassment, but just asking you on a date is not harassment.
I do agree that sometimes young men can be very aggressive and taunting (I worked in restaurants where this happened). In that case notify management that the person or persons involved are hampering you from doing your job.
Very young women are often shy and avoid confrontation, but they (like their mothers and grandmothers etc before them) will have to learn how to handle aggressive pushy people. They will encounter them all their lives. It’s not always to do with sex either. You will encounter pushy, won’t take no for an answer people at work, at school, at church, in your family ... everywhere. You are just going to have to toughen up and that is harder for some than others.
My daughter is like this, very shy and avoids confrontation and gets herself roped into doing minor things she doesn’t want to do. But then, if a person pushes her too far ... whoah ... watch out. She goes after them like a bear. It would be better if she was just firm with the person(s) in the beginning, but this is part of the learning process. She is learning.
This whole thing is called LIFE.
It is difficult but women need to toughen up and call people out on the spot who are trying to pressure them or goad them into doing something they don’t want to do. This goes not just for encounters with men but for aggressive pushy women as well.
If you are weak people will take advantage of you. That’s a given.
They don’t want to get any special attention. NONE, got it? Also don’t dare ignore them either.
Sound crazy? It is.
Perfection. LOL.
“37 and 16 would not be a date probably considered a kidnapping.”
Not really. Not my taste. But he could take her to the movies, get her an ice cream cone, and then they could sit on her parents front porch. He can date her all he wants in complete legality and morality. Of course, probably not on a school night.
Oh the poor, coopted ‘women’ of the upcoming generations. They actually believe ANY attention from a man you don’t know is harassment. How many relationships are not even beginning due to the Women’s Movement? If you don’t want his attention, just say ‘sorry, not interested’. You do not have an obligation to give any attention, just because he shows an interest in you. Now, the guy who grabbed the girl’s hands over the counter was obviously WRONG AND SCARY. But most of these claims of harassment are simply a guy expressing an interest, to which you do not need to agree. The ‘Women’s Movement’ has been so destructive to women. And way too many young women have been made to feel that they are required to support whatever the ‘Women’s Movement’ says. I appreciate the ‘You Don’t Represent Me’ backlash to the obnoxious display in DC last Saturday. Women are NOT a monolithic group. Just like not all Blacks, Latinos or LGBT are Left. It’s just that the loudest voices get the most attention. Good luck in the real world, Snowflakes! The Women’s Movement is not doing you any favors, when it comes to real life.
“Restaurant Opportunities Centers United conducted surveys and focus groups of restaurant workers and found that 65 percent of women, compared to 39 percent of men, had experienced “sexual teasing, jokes, remarks, or questions” from customers.”
How much do women make in tips in the restaurant industry vs how much men make in tips? How much do young pretty women make in tips vs other women without those attributes?
Freegards
Sorry, but for those of us who work in the service industry or retail, restaurant it is quite common. Does anyone here really feel a 37 year old man asking for a date from a 16yr old is appropriate? I sure don’t.
In my business we enter and exit around a dozen client homes a day. Most of the time no one is home and we are there to care for the pets of the household. Occasionally a client might be home sick or working from home. Clients have a good idea when we are going to show up and we did have one guy jerking off to porn, in the living room, when is dog walker arrived. The dog walker immediately left and called me from her car. The client’s account was immediately canceled.
I agree there is the idle banter, but sometimes it crosses the line into aggressive, sexual predatory type behavior and anyone who tolerates that has no moral standing.
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