Completion of I-22 could trigger apocalypse

AL.com ^ | April 19-20, 2016 | Matt Mitchell, The Ostrich

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Just as construction crews were putting the finishing touches on Interstate 22 this week, rumors began to circulate that the road's completion may set off a chain of events that could destroy humanity and bring civilization to it's knees.

According to a Wikipedia article created last night, Interstate 22, formerly known as "Corridor X" and "Ye Olden Highway," is considered to be North America's very first construction project. Native American documents dating back to 800 AD show plans to clear a path from Memphis to Birmingham, giving Midwestern tribes of 19-22 year-olds the quickest route to destroying Alabama's pristine beaches during their Spring Break.

With little work left to be done, there is no doubt the completion of I-22 will be a pivotal moment in human history, and a huge relief to Mississippians who just drove 200 straight miles on an interstate only to find it abruptly end at a place called Coalburg. But the incredibly long duration of this project has caught the attention of several Biblical scholars who believe this may be a sign of the end-times.

"I've always been searching for the one structure or monument that humans could never seem to finish building," explained Joshua Wade, Pastor of a church whose name sounds like a nightclub. "I used to think it would be Grandview Medical Center, but now I'm certain that finishing the forbidden project of I-22 will open the last seal of the apocalypse."

If Wade's calculations are correct, the first car to successfully merge from I-22 onto I-65 will bring fire, brimstone, and the immediate closure of the new Wintzell's Oyster House in Fultondale. It will also create a ton of potholes that you know are never going to get fixed.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

I-22 opened up at I-65 in Birmingham on June 20. No apocalypse so far.

[rstrahan]

But the Galveston Freeway in Texas is STILL under construction/reconstruction.

[BenLurkin]

[piytar]

Lol. Not bad satire.

[cba123]

Oh no’s.

[headsonpikes]

Is this from the Book of Daniel?

[cba123]

Hey, she’s pretty cute.

Thanks. :D

[BenLurkin]

I liked her as Peggy Shippen in "Turn"

[right way right]

I heard if we all got in our cars and did a burnout at the same time facing away from Mecca that it would return our planet to Mother Earths correct axis of rotation.

[blam]

Anyway.....

- Roll Tide -

[Excellence]

I guess you’d have to live there to really appreciate this, but even if you don’t, it’s pretty darn funny.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Texas is obviously seceding from the apocalypse.

[grey_whiskers]

She's kinda cute, despite the psycho chick eyes.

What actress is that? (...as I *presume* that's not your girlfriend)

[BenLurkin]

Girlfriend? I should be so lucky.

[BenLurkin]

Ksenia Solo

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0989959/

[M Kehoe]

Good afternoon.

Methinks the Veterans Expressway in Tampa will never be finished.

5.56mm

[MortMan]

The book of Danny Satire, perhaps?

[Celerity]

“”We all have to die anyway, so I don’t see what all this fuss is about,” said Dora resident Clyde Aaron. “Finish the road. Build a wall. Make America great again.”

“What did Clyde say?” asked Sumiton resident Earl Stephens, who was sitting roughly 2 feet from him the entire time. “It doesn’t matter. Tell him he’s an idiot and I disagree with him.”

Great writing !

[Robwin]

How silly all this business about I22 is. The real sign of the coming of the apocalypse will be the completion of SR99 in Seattle. So we're safe.

http://spectator.org/62937_seattles-big-dig-still-isnt-digging/

[bobby.223]

Is Bertha still on the rag or is she up and running now?