Posted on 12/27/2015 2:27:50 PM PST by huckfillary
Juniata College, a small liberal arts college nestled in the hills of south-central Pennsylvania, has become the first college in the United States to order the removal of every urinal from campus. The vote by the college Board of Trustees was unanimous. The change was in response to an intense years-long campaign by a little-known, militant feminist group called Chicks Against Dicks (CAD). The group employed numerous tactics including petitions, lawsuits, and the occasional smashing of functioning campus urinals. Juniata President James A. Troha, androgynous but not transgender, was giddy over the vote. In remarks delivered breathelessly, Troha said, “Urinals are an insult to women everywhere. We will not rest until every urinal on the planet is destroyed or removed. I would especially like to thank CAD President Soren Cavendish whose ceaseless efforts carried the day. Because of her efforts, urinals will soon be relegated to museums and socially backward institutions.†Aside from the obvious political infractions associated with urinals and standing to pee, Roy Nagle, Juniata Director of Environmental Hygiene, cited numerous threats to public health by standing to pee. “When men stand to pee,†Nagle said, “they are oblivious to the fact that they are depositing drops of urine, biological microagressions, which may infect anyone within a determined range. Not all, but many women also find the smell of male urine offensive. Urinal cakes, evenm jasmine, are only so effective.†Signicantly, the vote requires, after the removal of the urinals, another vote which would require all males on campus to sit down to urinate. CAD President Cavendish reserved her harshest remarks for the centuries-old practice of men standing to pee. According to Cavendish, “There is nothing more painful to a woman, even more than sexual assault, than the thought of a man standing to pee. It is repulsive and repugnant. No one should be allowed to stand to pee. It is an anatomically-endowed privilege. We will not stop until this odious practice is relegated to the trash cans of history.†To enforce the new restroom codes, men’s room volunteers would issue citations to men caught in the act of standing to pee. First offenders would be required to attend urination reform classes, in which men would taught how to sit to pee. Secondly offenders would suffer the loss of meal swipes.
“Why not, women do it in public restrooms, “hovering†so they don’t have to touch the nasty seat.”
As a male, I learn a lot from FR posts every day....
I believe it was Camille Paglia who used the phrase:
"The golden arc of transcendence."
LOL! Seriously, I will stand to pee in public restrooms when I’m stuck with a stall. The serious motivation is that I can avoid touching that nasty toilet seat.
The women's was always the worse one by far.
Being male myself, I only know from having a pool manager job in college that required cleaning restrooms. Women make a mess of a bathroom, too, it’s not just men.
THIS IS SATIRE. The original website post has a comment from the author that it is satire.
Fine. Pee on the seats.
It also links to itself.
Some Scandinavian country not too long ago was planning to do the same thing nationally. They had excuses like, “the bladder empties more completely when sitting, “ which, if true, seems to be a solution searching for a problem. All this is really about the war on masculinity.
” If one has a long wanker, how does one sit without folding it into a pretzel to avoid getting it wet?”
Braggart sitting on a commode: Damn, this water’s cold.
Heard from the next adjoining stall: Yeah, and it’s deep too!
The men in my circle of friends wouldn’t be going to a liberal arts college...
They sell a funnel for that.
Sounds like a campus after my heart. If I had kids, I'd send them there.
Start peeing in the sink.
Thank you!
wrong, the new Ford Class aircraft carriers are built without urinals in any of the heads on the ship.
Um... do they realize the presence of a urinal has nothing to do with whether we can pee standing up? Never mind.
How big are the Sails on that sucker?
I guess they can’t unfurl the Spinnaker while Launching Jets off the Deck.
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