ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Good morning!

I can see I’m totally out of my league this morning, so I’m heading for the shower. Maybe when I come out, I will have stopped laughing.

[moose07]

Morning Face.
Have popped out for lunch in Woodstock.....
The nice lady in the Pub gave me the Wifi key. :)
A picture of the village centre may appear shortly, as long as the rain holds off.

[null and void]

Ah Woodstock. If you remember it, you weren’t there...

[Covenantor]

Somebody mentioned kangaroos?

and the Captain's hair is cleaner and neater.

[Monkey Face]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, that’s priceless, Covenantor! LOL! I vote for the Captain! He started it!

[Monkey Face]

So very true, Nully! I used to have the album, it got lost in one of my moves... :o([

[Covenantor]

Kangaroo Lavender Mob member...

[moose07]

Well, I don’t remember it.....
So whether or not I was there will always be a mystery. :)

[Covenantor]

Pretty sure there's one somwhere with moose on it forever tying you to the event.

;>)

[null and void]

But #6 got more votes...

[Covenantor]

Well played nully, well played.

[moose07]

Woodstock

[moose07]

You won’t find it....I’ve eaten it. Nom nom nom. :)

[Monkey Face]

I need to find “The Lavender Hill Mob” movie and buy it. Ohh. Wait. I need that doggone cable! GAH!

Still, it was a pretty funny movie!

[Monkey Face]

That place looks so peaceful... :o]

[stephenjohnbanker]

119 degrees this Sunday & Monday in Phoenix.

No need for charcoal, merely open the grill,wait 2 hours, and toss the meat on : )

[Monkey Face]

Sounds about right for sure! *hug*

[moose07]

It is as peaceful as it looks, but don’t be late in the Pub at Lunch time or you’ll not get a table.
:)

[moose07]

F..................
Does it taste as good without the Charcoal?

[Tax-chick]

Aw, what a cutie!