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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Fuzzy little black boxes with white x’s in them....nice.


9,501 posted on 06/14/2016 4:23:21 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

W00t!


9,502 posted on 06/14/2016 4:36:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

I went to call in a refill for the steroid nebulizer med, and found out two things: a) the current one was filled at Walmart, and 2) it expired in December.

So I had to take a shortcut through the medical site to email the doctor for a new refill at a new pharmacy.

Maybe if I walk for a few minutes this morning, I will be able to face the world a little better. At least I was able to sleep until 0400.

I have to go fold clothes, some time this morning, but it won’t be right now! ;o]


9,503 posted on 06/14/2016 4:41:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; SandyInSeattle; Gefn

Rise and shine, Peeps! It’s Flag Day! My flag is already flying since the sun is soon to come up, and I’m ready for what the day has to offer.

I took a short walk, and the temp was 78, with 11% humidity, winds SW @ 2 mph. Not a cloud to be seen. YAY!

The SE corner of the property is a lot cooler than it is over here, and I’m thinking that was built first, as it has old-growth trees and lots of lush lawn that never sees any foot traffic. This end of the property is barren. Hardly any grass, and it used to have a lot of grass.

It’s like management doesn’t care about anything but the rent.


9,504 posted on 06/14/2016 5:25:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz; Darksheare; ArGee; Gefn

Go to bing.com to see outstanding page for flag day! Sky divers unfurling Amercan flags with cloud background.

Can’t copy photo here but it can be downloaded by hiting the down arrow in lower right hand corner.

FUG


9,505 posted on 06/14/2016 7:53:17 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

That was gorgeous! Thanks! I saved it.

I’m also wearing one of my “flag” T-shirts, but I’ve lost so much weight since I got it in 2011 that it feels like it came from Omar the Tent Maker.


9,506 posted on 06/14/2016 8:13:57 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

Careful with that Omar crap.

Don’t want to get tagged as a bigot.

;>)


9,507 posted on 06/14/2016 8:16:29 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

That was one of Phyllis Diller’s lines. She said that’s where she got her dresses.

As for being tagged a bigot? I don’t need to say Omar’s name in vain for that...lots of folks call me that anyway, because I don’t necessarily agree with their viewpoints! ;o]


9,508 posted on 06/14/2016 9:01:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

Scottish Folds are the cutest!


9,509 posted on 06/14/2016 9:47:17 AM PDT by LibreOuMort (I am still here, by the grace of God.)
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To: LibreOuMort

Aren’t they, though? <3


9,510 posted on 06/14/2016 10:59:11 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

Evening. I hope your day got better!

Very hot here today, but we all had lots of water. Also, we will go to bed soon. Kathleen has already fallen asleep on the sofa.

We may have a thunderstorm.


9,511 posted on 06/14/2016 4:06:24 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: LibreOuMort

They always seem so confused.


9,512 posted on 06/14/2016 4:59:10 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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9,513 posted on 06/15/2016 1:36:09 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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We have a Small Detachment currently on a trip through Switzerland to Italy.


9,514 posted on 06/15/2016 1:42:27 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

LOL!

That’s like, “The Methodists are rioting! There’s chicken casserole and jello salad *everywhere*!”


9,515 posted on 06/15/2016 2:37:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitten is disappointed with the food service in Melbourne, Australia.

9,516 posted on 06/15/2016 2:41:27 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick
"Today's kitten is disappointed with the food service in Melbourne, Australia."

Undoubtedly, they will roo the day.

9,517 posted on 06/15/2016 3:48:12 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Tax-chick

Very similar, :-)

Good Morning .


9,518 posted on 06/15/2016 4:05:09 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NicknamedBob; Tax-chick

“Undoubtedly, they will roo the day.”

Someone just had to Spring that old Chestnut.


9,519 posted on 06/15/2016 4:07:01 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face; NicknamedBob

Morning, folks. Off to day camp again!


9,520 posted on 06/15/2016 4:50:51 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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