ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Tax-chick]

Lake Norman is more northwest. Also, the whine has stopped. I guess the people woke up, wherever it was coming from.

[Tax-chick]

It could say, “This package is not a toy,” but most cats can’t read.

[moose07]

I love the buildings, but what some of them represent sets my Republican Circuits on fire. (Violent Suppression and Greed on an industrial scale.)

[moose07]

Can’t read....or choose not too? :)

[Covenantor]

Then again...could be insidious cat trap in some no ask no tell Shanghai restaurant.

[moose07]

It must be warm inside that bag. :)

[Covenantor]

Are these cable organizers shielded?

[Tax-chick]

Good points.

[moose07]

With some of the things I saw hanging up in the Markets in China, anything is possible. Some of the food was on the Unidentifiable list in the restaurants.

[Tax-chick]

My experiences with Unidentifiable are limited to school cafeterias.

[moose07]

LOL! Need one of those!
That would be classed as “unprofessional”, whatever that means.

A nice bit of Cat6a usually does the trick, with screened Rj45s on each end.
:)

[moose07]

Having only eaten School food up to and including Primary Level , have no idea what the state of high school food is here. But if it is anything like the slop that was imported from nearby HS when our Cook was on holiday, I’d say it to is mostly unidentifiable.
Is this a conspiracy,do we think?

[Covenantor]

...I’d say it to is mostly unidentifiable. Is this a conspiracy,do we think?

Browse through the menus on the engrish.com (?) site to see the translations. Round eyes think those funny mistakes, the inscrutable East knows it's truth in labeling.

Salvaged Formica and gypsum board powder , great tofu extenders.

[moose07]

What you doing wiv dat old engine oil?
Why?
It make great thickener in Ho Chi Min Soup!

[Covenantor]

Engrish menu

[Covenantor]

about that cabling...

end user instruction

prug and pray

[moose07]

Not on a Windows machine I wouldn’t......
That wording is just wrong. :)

[Tax-chick]

Well, I’m not hungry anymore ...

[Monkey Face]

I use peanut oil...

[Tax-chick]

DP cooks in peanut oil sometimes.

I was going to have a shower, but now I think I’ll throw on some worn-out clothes and clean some more.