Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,761-8,7808,781-8,8008,801-8,820 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Good morning. I don’t remember my dreams, but they might have been about cats.


8,781 posted on 05/28/2016 4:58:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8780 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

It’s Saturday morning. And I’m tired and feel almost as upside down as that kitteh, but I’ll survive the day.

And I will vote on Monday.


8,782 posted on 05/28/2016 5:01:19 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8776 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

DP is shaving the byos’ heads.


8,783 posted on 05/28/2016 5:04:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8782 | View Replies]

To: NicknamedBob

I much prefer the desert climate, because my lungs don’t like a lot of humidity. And yes, it’s easier to get used to the desert than it is to more humid areas.


8,784 posted on 05/28/2016 5:08:11 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8771 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Skipping pizza never helps, in any way. Pizza is in one of the main food groups, right up there with chocolate and lasagna and roast chicken.


8,785 posted on 05/28/2016 5:10:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8766 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I used to do that to my kids. I never shaved my daughter’s head, but I did shave my son’s once in a while. Now he shaves his son’s and his step-son. :o]

Family traditions! Ya gotta love ‘em!


8,786 posted on 05/28/2016 5:13:35 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8783 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

James’s hair gets very bushy. Maybe they won’t have to wear swim caps if their heads are shaved.


8,787 posted on 05/28/2016 5:20:00 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8786 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; NoCmpromiz

Good Morning,
Am actually at home on a Caturday for a change. :)
The Sun is hiding behind a protective layer of cloud.


8,788 posted on 05/28/2016 5:30:14 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8774 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Good morning. It’s sunny here, going to be hot. There’s discussion of a tropical storm later in the weekend.

Haven’t seen the catz for a while. Jake may be in bed with Elen.


8,789 posted on 05/28/2016 5:34:57 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8788 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Have just checked the weather for your state capital, take cover from midnight onwards. Hardest rain tomorrow afternoon,wind on the light side.


8,790 posted on 05/28/2016 5:41:25 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8789 | View Replies]

To: moose07

We’re not the kind of people who are out after midnight.


8,791 posted on 05/28/2016 5:57:35 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8790 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; JoeProBono

:)
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3434670/posts
Anybody else found JPB’s Spider thread? Very Interesting.


8,792 posted on 05/28/2016 6:03:32 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8791 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

I love that video! I have a big brown hound like the dog on the right. I have always wanted to try that with her but I should have tried it when she was young. She is old and a little grumpy and I don’t think she would like something like that.


8,793 posted on 05/28/2016 6:05:50 AM PDT by Ditter (God Bless Texas!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8778 | View Replies]

To: moose07

A lot of people seem very frightened.


8,794 posted on 05/28/2016 6:06:54 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8792 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I know they are Australian Spiders, and so are probably more heavily armed then an entire US Navy Battle fleet ,but they are safely contained within the Computer monitor. :)
And pretty colours.
(Best block the heat vents, they could leak out from the monitor....) :-0


8,795 posted on 05/28/2016 6:10:20 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8794 | View Replies]

To: moose07

They are tiny, but probably extremely venomous, as everything in Australia is, except the sheep. I’m surprised the sheep haven’t evolved venom there ...


8,796 posted on 05/28/2016 6:14:11 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8795 | View Replies]

To: moose07

8,797 posted on 05/28/2016 6:20:31 AM PDT by JoeProBono (SOME IMAGES MAY BE DISTURBING ’VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED;-{)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8792 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

* If the Tail starts to rattle drop the Shears and move away.*
*The bite from the Australian Marino Sheep is worse than the Taipan it forced into extinction. *


8,798 posted on 05/28/2016 6:22:55 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8796 | View Replies]

To: JoeProBono

LOL!
Morning Joe.
FReepathon Spider is amongst us !


8,799 posted on 05/28/2016 6:24:17 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8797 | View Replies]

To: moose07

Mine.


8,800 posted on 05/28/2016 6:24:32 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8799 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 8,761-8,7808,781-8,8008,801-8,820 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson