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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Well, sounds like a plan. I’m going to cut Frank’s toenails, just so you know in advance what the screaming is ...


8,681 posted on 05/25/2016 5:10:46 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Oh...thanks for the warning. I thought it was a neighbor in distress!

Now to bake the bread!


8,682 posted on 05/25/2016 6:19:01 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; moose07

To see the very animated version of the raccoon sweeper go here

I did the people stuff... https://imgur.com/gallery/l1a8uQO


8,683 posted on 05/25/2016 6:21:54 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LOL!

“I did my trick, now treat me!”


8,684 posted on 05/25/2016 6:31:20 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Tax-chick

8,685 posted on 05/25/2016 6:41:39 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Cheaper than a roombah and more entertaining...mebbe, depends on your cat


8,686 posted on 05/25/2016 7:01:06 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: null and void

So much floof today! Sensory overload! Fangs!


8,687 posted on 05/25/2016 8:09:38 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor

I ordered the sock monkey from Amazon, and as of this morning, the money hadn’t been taken out of my account and I needed to make sure I had enough for a haircut and maybe some grocks.

So I cancelled the order, went to eBay, and found the same thing for $10 less AND free shipping. So it will be here a week from today. YAY!!!

Now when I take Chuck to Smith’s, this morning, I may be able to find something for me, too!

The bread is a failure. I think I didn’t put enough flour in it. But I can throw it out and start over. Yes I can.

I saw some “suggestions” based on the purchase of the sock monkey, and they were patterns. I think I will go back and look at some, so I can finally try out my new Singer!


8,688 posted on 05/25/2016 8:28:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Good news about the sock monkey, but sorry about the bread.

Back from my prayer group, next trip is to the gym. Kathleen has decided to wear her winter clothes, suddenly, after insisting on wearing her summer clothes most of the winter. Babies are weird.


8,689 posted on 05/25/2016 9:36:10 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NoCmpromiz

I tried to warn you with the subtle picture of Donald.

Those aren’t nettles.


8,690 posted on 05/25/2016 10:12:29 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: NicknamedBob

Don’t forget ‘Ol’ Lightning.’

I never seen anyone get out from under something so fast.


8,691 posted on 05/25/2016 10:14:50 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Monkey Face

Huzzah!!

Unfortunately, I think I found ‘em.


8,692 posted on 05/25/2016 10:16:17 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: ArGee

A tip.

When two women at the office set their sights on each other it’s time to find another job.

And, no, I ain’t talking about a love affair.


8,693 posted on 05/25/2016 10:18:34 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
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To: Covenantor

LoL,
I know People that behave just like that Raccoon. :)


8,694 posted on 05/25/2016 12:11:15 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

The bread had good texture, and didn’t taste bad, but it just didn’t raise. *sigh*

So I will try again another day.

While we were waiting for Chucks prescriptions to be filled, I asked him if he had ever been to the Dollar Tree, and when he said “no,” I said, “We have to go.” He had been looking at $18 reading glasses.

He found four pairs in the strength he wanted for $1 each. I gave him the misguided tour of the place and picked up a few things of my own, such as more reading glasses and a large bottle of “Awesome” cleaner and he paid for my stuff, saying, “Thanks for the ride.”

I would have made a scene, but I appreciated his gesture.

He was also amazed at how well the truck ran. :o])


8,695 posted on 05/25/2016 12:25:27 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: ArGee

The “lubs” “lbs” were hard to lose, but I still need to lose another 10 or so. I have decided I WILL do it. So I’ve been snacking on cheese and crackers. Honest.

One slice of cheese, cut in half, then layered and cut into thirds, will fit on a TownHouse cracker. Not too many calories in that, and it’s “filling.” At least it takes the edge off my hunger. ;o]


8,696 posted on 05/25/2016 12:30:13 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: moose07

Broom movers and shovel holders motion activated, that would be motion by others.


8,697 posted on 05/25/2016 1:12:07 PM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Monkey Face

I had some toast.

Went to the gym, and then I took DP to get his truck from the shop. It had major surgery. In 45 minutes, I’ll leave with the first batch of kids for swim practice. It’s in the 80s today, so they should be much more comfortable in the pool.


8,698 posted on 05/25/2016 1:28:15 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

It’s going to rain this evening, and my legs and back are telling me it’s close. I want to go to bed, but it will have to wait a bit. I think.

Tomorrow, I will have dishes to wash, to hide the evidence of the bread-making attempt, but I’m not going to worry about that right now. It will keep me awake.


8,699 posted on 05/25/2016 1:43:55 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Tax-chick

Oh. Do you like zinnias? I got a free packet of seeds from someone wanting me to donate money, but I’m a plant killer. I will be happy to send them to you, if you want.


8,700 posted on 05/25/2016 1:45:26 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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