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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

http://www.amazon.com/Sock-Monkey-Kit-15-Inch/dp/B000RRDM2O/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1463955007&sr=8-14&keywords=sock+monkey+kits

There was one that was almost $60! I’m thinking: Who are they kidding?


8,561 posted on 05/22/2016 3:09:32 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

With the S&H it’s $36.


8,562 posted on 05/22/2016 3:12:17 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

And now, I’m off to bed...it’s been a rough day.


8,563 posted on 05/22/2016 3:17:03 PM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have a good night!


8,564 posted on 05/22/2016 3:19:54 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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Stolen Picture of the day:

The Flying ScotsMan was out and about through here at the weekend.

Cheddar Gorge, Somerset.

8,565 posted on 05/22/2016 10:22:04 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

Today's kitten lives in Sarawak on the island of Borneo.

8,566 posted on 05/23/2016 2:38:04 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: moose07

Pretty! Is that a perfectly round pond, like a Florida sinkhole, in the background of Cheddar Gorge?


8,567 posted on 05/23/2016 2:38:50 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick
A shameless extraction from Wiki...:)
(None of the links work.)

Cheddar Reservoir is an artificial reservoir in Somerset, England, operated by Bristol Water. Dating from the 1930s it has a capacity of 135 million gallons (614,000 cubic metres). The reservoir is supplied with water taken from the Cheddar Yeo river in Cheddar Gorge. The inlet grate for the 54 inches (1.4 m) water pipe that is used to transport the water can be seen immediately upstream from the sensory garden in Cheddar Gorge. It lies to the west of the village of Cheddar and south east of the town of Axbridge. It is roughly circular in shape, and surrounded by large earth banks which are grazed by sheep.

The reservoir was built by Sir Robert McAlpine and completed in 1937.[1] It was the first British reservoir to permit sailing.[2]

The reservoir has been designated as a Site of Special Scientific Interest (Ref No:1003948) due to its wintering waterfowl populations.[3] Two car parks give access to the reservoir; one is at the Axbridge end, and on the eastern side, accessible from Cheddar. Two water towers are present, one at the Cheddar end, and one at the Axbridge end. Bristol Corinthians sailing club is situated at its northern end. Other recreational activities at the reservoir include windsurfing, angling (for pike, tench, roach, perch and eels), and birdwatching.

The reservoir, which has an area of 105.4 hectares (260 acres), is attractive to waterbirds, in particular wintering wildfowl and gulls.

Wildfowl present regularly in winter include mallard (Anas platyrhynchos), gadwall (Anas strepera), tufted duck (Aythya fuligula), common pochard (Aythya ferina), Eurasian wigeon (Anas penelope), common goldeneye (Bucephala clangula) and goosander (Mergus merganser). A large flock of coot (Fulica atra) is present, and great crested grebe (Podiceps cristatus) is also numerous.[4]

Because of its proximity to the Bristol Channel, storm-blown seabirds are occasionally found here, including shag, grey phalarope, and divers and grebes.[4]

A moderately sized gull roost has attracted glaucous, Iceland and ring-billed gulls on multiple occasions.[4]

A number of rare and scarce vagrant birds have been seen at Cheddar Reservoir, mainly waterfowl and shorebirds. Up to 2004 the following species had occurred:[4]

Bristol Water has long identified Cheddar as the site for a new reservoir.[5] In 2007 it announced that the new reservoir would be one of the options considered in its Draft 2009 Water Resources Plan.[6] The new reservoir would hold 6,000 million litres, roughly the same size as the existing reservoir, which it would be based alongside.

In October 2012 survey work started on the new reservoir to the south of the existing one,[7] with a planning application scheduled for December 2013.[8]

8,568 posted on 05/23/2016 2:57:48 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Thanks, that’s very interesting.


8,569 posted on 05/23/2016 3:05:09 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; moose07
Good morning all...

So goofle found Blofeld hiding in Sarawak eh?

No more diamonds for Blofeld's kittehs, poor little things reduced to pearls.

What next? Pop beads?


8,570 posted on 05/23/2016 4:07:10 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Breeding floofy kittens in scenic Borneo ... good post-retirement career.


8,571 posted on 05/23/2016 4:14:21 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Covenantor

I loved the sound those things made!


8,572 posted on 05/23/2016 4:33:17 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: moose07

Wow! I’m speechless! :o0


8,573 posted on 05/23/2016 4:34:26 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face

Good morning!


8,574 posted on 05/23/2016 4:43:55 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Good morning!

I dreamed about Molly last night, and she morphed into a neighbor with a really “supercalifragilistic” car. And we drove in the mud. The only thing I understood about the dream is that mud is good and it means an end to my problems.

But yes, I need a sock monkey named Molly with a “Frozen” crown, for sure!


8,575 posted on 05/23/2016 5:22:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Moosie is being very erudite. Methinks he likes birds.


8,576 posted on 05/23/2016 5:25:39 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; moose07

I think you’re right, Bob!

:o])


8,577 posted on 05/23/2016 5:33:38 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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To: moose07

Cheesy photo...


8,578 posted on 05/23/2016 6:28:39 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Back from the gym. Kids test results came in. Everyone was above average, especially Vlad.


8,579 posted on 05/23/2016 7:07:06 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

YAY! To all of the above! *rah-rah sis-boom-ba*


8,580 posted on 05/23/2016 7:55:58 AM PDT by Monkey Face (We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. Jeffrey R Holland)
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