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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

I was lying down, although there was a lot of turmoil going on, people in and out. Some of us are going out to a mission fundraiser this evening, but the others will have lasagna in about half an hour.


8,501 posted on 05/21/2016 1:36:12 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

I was getting my clothes out for church and realized my silver bracelets are gone. It took me twenty years to collect them (7) and some are very sentimental for me. So whoever stole my phone, and my green earrings, stole my bracelets, as well. And she would have to have LOOKED for them.

That just makes me sick. I can’t replace them.


8,502 posted on 05/21/2016 1:52:58 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Monkey Face

Oh, that’s awful. I’m so sad for you.


8,503 posted on 05/21/2016 1:57:35 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Thanks. It’s hard to hold back the tears.

Each one was a specific memory of a time and place and person. Just gone.

I don’t even know how to react to it.


8,504 posted on 05/21/2016 2:04:05 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

...But one thing I DO know is why a specific gal just didn’t show up one day.


8,505 posted on 05/21/2016 2:04:59 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’d do something to help if I could!


8,506 posted on 05/21/2016 2:06:22 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Monkey Face
"I don’t even know how to react to it."

Pretend they're in a safe place that you haven't looked yet.

8,507 posted on 05/21/2016 2:06:32 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Monkey Face

Yes. Some people do really bad things.


8,508 posted on 05/21/2016 2:06:51 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: NicknamedBob

Thanks, Bob. I hope I can do that when the loss isn’t so raw.


8,509 posted on 05/21/2016 2:08:32 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

I know you would, and I appreciate the sentiment. *snif* *sob*


8,510 posted on 05/21/2016 2:09:19 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Tax-chick

Preying on the old or disabled should be one of the things that God doesn’t like with a passion. (I’m sure it is!)

I had unexpected company, just now, so I’m sorry for the delay in answering.

And now, I’m off to bed. See you in the morning!


8,511 posted on 05/21/2016 2:58:30 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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To: Gefn; NoCmpromiz
It sure is an interesting place, Gefn. :)

To tell a little secret about York city, Most of it is only seventy years old.
It had to be rebuilt after a bunch of German hooligans flattened most of the City centre.

8,512 posted on 05/22/2016 12:07:18 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Good morning. Darned Germans.


8,513 posted on 05/22/2016 3:45:02 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

8,514 posted on 05/22/2016 3:46:10 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; Gefn; Monkey Face; moose07

8,515 posted on 05/22/2016 3:47:45 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Good Morning, TC.
The Sun is out, nice and warm.


8,516 posted on 05/22/2016 4:13:57 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Cloudy here, and we had a thunderstorm last night.


8,517 posted on 05/22/2016 4:23:18 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Germany.....
Yes.
*Mutter, mutter, rummage.*
hmmm,,,,,Yes, Germany.
That’s what France is for, to give Jerry something to play with.


8,518 posted on 05/22/2016 4:27:07 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

*chuckle*

I’m thinking of cooking some eggs, but it might be more effort than I feel like making.


8,519 posted on 05/22/2016 4:46:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07

Floofy, sleepy kitty! I heart it!

56 degrees, SW @ 13, 29%, clear.

For some reason, I was a little stiff getting out of bed this morning and that’s weird, since most mornings when I do that, it’s overcast and/or rainy.

Anyway, I’m up and it looks like I may be able to start the day. Maybe.

I just realized, after I signed off last night, that my stainless steel watch was with my bracelets, broken crystal and all. And I think there was something else, but they were all together, waiting to go to the jewelers for a new crystal and polishing. Now I’m sicker than ever.


8,520 posted on 05/22/2016 5:20:54 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.)
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