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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NoCmpromiz

My goodness! Pretty old thing!


7,981 posted on 05/11/2016 4:45:49 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick; Covenantor

That is as bad as the gun suggestion.
Kittie with the Car Keys.

*Excuse me Sir, We’ve found your Car.....on the roof of a Fifteen Story apartment Block. Witness states it was chasing a Bird.*


7,982 posted on 05/11/2016 4:46:26 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; MUDDOG; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz
Five hundred years from now,
School children will sob.
“Oh, not that bore Shakespeare,again!”
“We want Nicknamed Bob !”

But Today

I’m worried about next week,
When some debts are coming due,
And concerns about my family’s health,
Are constantly in view.

But today, the sun is shining,
And my heart is quite at peace,
For the moment, at this instance,
I’m not looking for surcease.

I have some years behind me,
And more yet still ahead,
But on the whole they pleased me,
More than filling me with dread.

For today, the birds spread wings of joy,
To embrace the world “this much”,
Just as do I, in reaching out,
To keep my heart in touch.

In the distant future, when I as memory,
Will haunt the hills and hollows,
Of a changed vicinity,
Then my touch will be as follows:

Folk will be seeing rainbows,
Or singing birds in flight,
And sometimes thoughts of mine,
Will then intrude upon their sight.

For tomorrow will be coming,
While I wend another way,
And my focus will not be with things,
That may be coming, but today.

NicknamedBob . . . . . . March 1, 2008

7,983 posted on 05/11/2016 4:46:46 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob

Your poetry always inspires me to write something, Bob, but lately, all I can seem to manage is a grocery list.


7,984 posted on 05/11/2016 4:46:47 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Tax-chick

7,985 posted on 05/11/2016 4:48:31 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

My goodness. I’ve been up almost an hour, and I’m just now posting. *sigh*

I had to sort my pills and whatever else I do in the morning. I’ll be leaving for Wally’s in a bit.

It’s 71 outside and will be 89 today. I’m SO ready for summer!!!


7,986 posted on 05/11/2016 4:54:25 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face
"Your poetry always inspires me to write something, Bob, but lately, all I can seem to manage is a grocery list."

The important thing, of course, is that it not be forgotten.

7,987 posted on 05/11/2016 4:56:48 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Monkey Face; NicknamedBob

Good morning. It’s annoyingly humid here.


7,988 posted on 05/11/2016 5:00:15 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

Don’t sweat it; Summer’s coming.


7,989 posted on 05/11/2016 5:04:25 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Tax-chick

The expression on that calico is priceless!

Back from Wally’s. They had the food section doors roped off, so I had to go the long way around to get the grocks.

Still, no one was in there but the stalkers, so that’s good.

I looked in the mirror before I left and I really don’t look good at all. My face is all washed out and sick-looking. Ungh.

If I feel up to it, I will go to Great Clips to get my hair re-done. The front hairs don’t have much curl, and the way the hair is styled, the front hairs cover up the curls in the back. That’s NOT what I wanted.


7,990 posted on 05/11/2016 5:52:06 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: moose07

I just made another half gallon of hibiscus tea, again, without the sun to officially make it “sun tea!”

I can hardly wait for it to finish brewing so I can have a cup. That stuff is so good!


7,991 posted on 05/11/2016 5:54:52 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: NicknamedBob

That does not make me happier.


7,992 posted on 05/11/2016 5:59:54 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Monkey Face

I hope you feel up to it! Make them do it right!

We already have multiple schedule conflicts over the next few weeks of “summer,” on top of trying to get the school year finished. I’m about ready to cry, except that it would make my nose run.


7,993 posted on 05/11/2016 6:02:58 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("We like us the way we are. That makes us real, true friends." ~ The Undead Thread)
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To: Tax-chick

And that’s why I always have tissues handy. My nose runs until the Benedryl kicks in. The last six months have been the worst for my allergies since I’ve been here, except for when CFIDS was at its worst.

I thought I was done with that. Dang.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m looking forward to that little surgical procedure in June to deaden the nerves in my lower back. This time will just be a test. If it works, I’ll go back in for the Real Thing.


7,994 posted on 05/11/2016 6:16:40 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

Things here (like my car, for example) have a palpable layer of pollen.


7,995 posted on 05/11/2016 7:10:56 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

We didn’t have as much pollen this year (two months ago) because the weather has been so wet. But I sure know what you’re talking about! Usually, you can’t see the interior of the car for the pollen on the windshield.


7,996 posted on 05/11/2016 7:44:32 AM PDT by Monkey Face (There's a fine line between genius & crazy. I like to use that line as a jump rope.)
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To: Monkey Face

You think the windshield is bad, you should see the inside of my lungs!


7,997 posted on 05/11/2016 7:49:02 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

And nose. *sigh*


7,998 posted on 05/11/2016 7:49:27 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

Going for it...


7,999 posted on 05/11/2016 7:49:48 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: null and void

8k???


8,000 posted on 05/11/2016 7:50:03 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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