ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference

Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

[ArGee]

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."

[Monkey Face]

Cher is a whack job — always has been, always will be. No wonder Sonny left her.

[Tax-chick]

Hope you have a good night!

[Tax-chick]

It was after Sonny died that Chastity put on a lot of weight and began presenting a deliberately masculine appearance, so I expect that made a real difference.

[NicknamedBob]

"Cher is a whack job -- always has been, always will be. No wonder Sonny left her."

Well, perhaps so, but for Sonny, it was all downhill from there.

[moose07]

Morning TC,
Just popped in for a last look before bed ,as you do...
And there it was ,a shiny thing , just sat there like a baited trap.

However the machine Posted then zoomed in ,instead of double posting...*sigh*.
And there just lurking in the Bushes like a hunter from days of old was Ms ‘Face.
“Bang” Gotcha! Straight on the shiny thing like a pro. LoL.

You've got to get up real Early to beat ‘Face to a shiny thing. :D

[moose07]

Butt-Dialling....

The number of shopping expeditions I’ve listened too is incredible.
Butt-dialling does at least reduce the shock. :)

[moose07]

Merry Christmas ,LibreOuMort.
Don’t let it go dark, switch a light on. :)

[Tax-chick]

[Covenantor]

Good morning

[Covenantor]

I fixed the lights for you.

... and fixed your coffee

...you're out of cream.

[Darksheare]

“I am KRINGUS, Devourer of the Twelve Kingdoms of Christmas!”

[Darksheare]

http://pvponline.com/comic/2007/12/10/kringus-risen-part-8

[Monkey Face]

That’s cute!

I wonder how he knew?

[NicknamedBob]

Regarding the coffee; that’s subtraction by addition.

[Covenantor]

LOL!

.... spoiler alert

[Monkey Face]

LOL! Good one! :o])

[Tax-chick]

Nothing is more helpful than a cat.

Speaking of cats, I need to find their claw-trimmer and trim their claws. I assigned a Teenaged Girl to it yesterday, but nothing is more helpful than a teenaged girl.

[Tax-chick]

It could be a DOG bed.

[Monkey Face]

When I first boot up in the morning, I get this message:

Configuration system failed to initialize.

I will wait for word from you about what that is and in the meantime, I will begin transferring pics and documents to the slave.

Apparently, I will have to set it back to factory settings.

[Monkey Face]

“If it fits, I sits.”

Yep, it could be a dog bed!