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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you had a nice sit! I still need to go to Walmart. Maybe I’ll get over there while the kids have supper.


7,121 posted on 04/20/2016 1:32:20 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I didn’t stay long. I’m still fighting chills and fever, so I’m just about ready to go get parallel to the deck.

For some reason, I’ve been having “power surges” again and they are a real bother. I went for years without them and then they started up again on my birthday. *grrrrr* It seems they will be bothersome for about six weeks and then go away for three months. But I sure can’t set my clock by them! LOL! “Surprise!”


7,122 posted on 04/20/2016 1:52:24 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Tax-chick

I’ll go to Wally’s early in the morning, after my shower.

And now, I’m waiting to see how I feel in the next 30 minutes, as that will determine whether I go to bed soon or not.

And my Kindle library is now 301 books long!

I’m still fighting with the Nook, but making progress...yay!


7,123 posted on 04/20/2016 1:55:42 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Monkey Face

Congratulations on the books! We went to the library today on the way to pick up Tom at school.

I’m really tired, but it will be long time before I can go to bed.


7,124 posted on 04/20/2016 1:57:46 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I get email alerts about free books, so those are the ones I get. I’ve even gotten several that are five and six volumes in a series. I put them on the PC so if I want, I can read them here, on slow days...

A person can’t have too many books...

Did Tom get registered for his heavy equipment class?


7,125 posted on 04/20/2016 2:28:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Monkey Face

No, it’s still too soon. There’s an open-house for the industrial training programs on May 10, and after that he can register.


7,126 posted on 04/20/2016 3:33:20 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
"... but it will be long time before I can go to bed."

You talk funny, G.I.

7,127 posted on 04/20/2016 4:39:02 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: NicknamedBob; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

7,128 posted on 04/21/2016 2:20:36 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; Salamander; Monkey Face; moose07
Carry-A-Big-Stick Doctrine in practice.

A contender for the Canine Caber Toss and Fetch at this year's Antigonish Highland Games in Nova Scotia.

7,129 posted on 04/21/2016 3:22:23 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

LOLOL

[say...he’s not headed out on a high wire, is he?]

/Rover Wallenda


7,130 posted on 04/21/2016 3:29:32 AM PDT by Salamander (We're pain, we're steel, a plot of knives...)
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To: Covenantor

Throwing sticks of lit dynamite is fun. Throwing sticks of lit dynamite in the presence of a retriever, not fun.


7,131 posted on 04/21/2016 3:30:18 AM PDT by central_va (I won't be reconstructed and I do not give a damn.)
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To: Salamander
high wire act ready.

One of the comments on imgur..."looks like the start of a kung-fu movie scene.

BTW, The Antigonish Highland Games may well have the largest gathering of redheads in this hemi-sphere. Was a lot of fun in '72-'73 and now apparently has grown into a much bigger event.

Antigonish Highland Society

7,132 posted on 04/21/2016 3:43:41 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Dog with the biggest stick wins!


7,133 posted on 04/21/2016 4:17:12 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: central_va

That’s how the old earl in “Monarch of the Glen” died.


7,134 posted on 04/21/2016 4:17:48 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob

My computer just shut down by itself yesterday, so I just went to bed. There’s not much sense in making myself crazy trying to make this awful thing do what I want it to.

It was a reasonably good night, and I slept fairly well, but, as usual, I’m still tired. I guess that’s the one thing I really hate about CFIDS: no matter how long I sleep, I never feel rested when I wake up. *sigh* I’ve never gotten used to that, even though I’ve been dealing with it for over 30 years.

So, I will go take a shower in a few minutes and then head for Wally’s to do some damage to my bank account! LOL!


7,135 posted on 04/21/2016 4:58:00 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Tax-chick

That looks like a Russian Grey ball of squee!


7,136 posted on 04/21/2016 5:00:31 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Salamander

LOL!

(I wish I’da thought of that!)


7,137 posted on 04/21/2016 5:02:15 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Monkey Face

Isn’t he cute? I went to bed right after going to Walmart last night. It was not a good night, and it was not a good morning. I had just posted the kitteh and was planning to get a second cup of coffee and read when Kathleen showed up, reporting that Frank threw up. At least it was in the bathroom ...

Now the bathroom is clean, Frank is washed, two loads of laundry are done, bills are paid ... and for my next thing, I’ll check James’s and Sally’s math from yesterday.


7,138 posted on 04/21/2016 5:07:55 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor

Ohmy. I missed the games here, this year, and that’s a little upsetting. I would like to find the next nearest, which may be in Cedar City, UT, and see if I can get the money to go.


7,139 posted on 04/21/2016 5:08:04 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
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To: Monkey Face; Covenantor

There are several Scottish festivals quite near here - Rural Hill, Mint Hill, Waxhaw - but we’ve never made it to one.


7,140 posted on 04/21/2016 5:11:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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