Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 7,021-7,0407,041-7,0607,061-7,080 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Not there yet.

Last night the lights over the local HS football field had stunningly BRILLIANT violet halos.

Every thing had halos but these were vivid.

Halos and double vision gone, but focus hasn’t settled in yet.

Everything looks like an outside photo taken without a daylight filter.

Eye aches a very little bit. I didn’t have any anesthesia for the surgery. They wanted to give me Fentanyl, Propofol and Versed. No thanks!

My UV flashlight is about 10 x brighter right eye (untreated) to left.

Uncorrected vision is already better that it was corrected.


7,041 posted on 04/19/2016 6:29:04 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7033 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

It was...


7,042 posted on 04/19/2016 6:29:56 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7039 | View Replies]

To: null and void

Eye sees OK, but looks terrible!


7,043 posted on 04/19/2016 6:40:37 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7042 | View Replies]

To: Gefn; moose07

Looking for a visit from Special Branch?

Mum’s the word.


7,044 posted on 04/19/2016 6:42:57 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7040 | View Replies]

To: null and void

You’ll have to keep me posted on how your vision improves over time.

They usually put numbing drops in the eye. Did they do that to you?

Dang. I’m sleepy, now!


7,045 posted on 04/19/2016 6:52:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7041 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face; FixedandDilated

Yes, I was numbed and dilated, but no systemic drugs.


7,046 posted on 04/19/2016 6:59:47 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7045 | View Replies]

To: null and void

Which is good! I have to have some of the drugs because of my claustrophobia. I don’t like my face covered, and have a tendency to panic when it is.

When will you be back at work?


7,047 posted on 04/19/2016 7:09:20 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7046 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

In about an hour...


7,048 posted on 04/19/2016 7:17:00 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7047 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Yeah, I had to have them give me a little more clearance over my mouth and nose.


7,049 posted on 04/19/2016 7:18:19 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7047 | View Replies]

To: null and void

See?

I hope you notice the difference when you are working! I’m very happy you got it done. Will you have the other eye done?


7,050 posted on 04/19/2016 7:50:45 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7049 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Yes, when needed, probably 5 years out.


7,051 posted on 04/19/2016 7:59:16 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7050 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Morning. I went to Weight Watchers, then to A+ Vacuums to retrieve the Dyson, and then to CP to get Tom. Later I’ll go to Walmart.

Jake caught a bunny, but Sally rescued it before he could kill it.


7,052 posted on 04/19/2016 8:40:04 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7038 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I would love to visit you Face, I was in Vegas as a child. I don’t remember any of it other than there was a huge slot machine on the strip that was larger than a car. I cried until dad played it.

I would like to go but I’m only going to gamble ten dollars, I don’t want to be hooked or really loose a lot more.


7,053 posted on 04/19/2016 9:00:23 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7037 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Oh, good for Sally!! <3

A FB friend from northern Utah was online this morning, so we chatted for about 30 minutes. His wife is recovering from shingles, and though she is better, she isn’t out of the woods, yet.

Her doctor didn’t know what it was, so it got worse and she ended up in the ER and then in ICU for three days. She is finally home, but he has been distraught over this whole thing.

He’s from my home town (Payson) and she is from the next town north, (Spanish Fork.) They are such sweet people, and I felt so bad that I couldn’t help. But I DID pray, so I’m sure that helped!


7,054 posted on 04/19/2016 9:00:32 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7052 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

I don’t know what I would do if I saw a cat with a rabbit. I know it’s nature but I like bunnies.


7,055 posted on 04/19/2016 9:02:38 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7052 | View Replies]

I wonder how our New York buddies are faring today at the polls. I envy them. I still have two months to go....


7,056 posted on 04/19/2016 9:04:00 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7055 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

I never gamble, even though I have lived here for 40 years. When you see the destruction that it causes to families and individuals, you decide against it very quickly.

As long as you set a limit and stay within it, you will be fine. When my brother and his wife come, she allows herself $100 to gamble. If she wins, she stops. If she loses it all, she stops until the next time they visit.

I have a friend whose hands get all sweaty when she and her hubby plan a trip to Wendover (north) or Mesquite (south.) She could never live here, what with slots in Kmart and the grocery stores!!!


7,057 posted on 04/19/2016 9:05:59 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Have you ever had one of those days when you are holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7053 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I’ve seen seniors take their social security checks and blow them in Atlantic city and in Connecticut..

That’s why when I go to AC I just go put in ten dollars and walk away. My money is too precious to me.

I confess I’m stupid to buy power ball tickets when they get in the millions. I know I won’t win, but it’s fun to say that I and everyone else bought one. .


7,058 posted on 04/19/2016 9:13:14 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7057 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

I just got an email about some fire in Jersey that might cause New Yorkers to see smoke.

Is that in your neck of the woods?


7,059 posted on 04/19/2016 10:06:15 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7053 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Well, tell her to come in out of the woods. She should be resting, not out communing with nature.


7,060 posted on 04/19/2016 10:07:49 AM PDT by ArGee ("Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet." – General James Mattis)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7054 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 7,021-7,0407,041-7,0607,061-7,080 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson